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GOD DAMN THIS GAME!: A Review of Eternal Odyssey
GOD DAMN THIS GAME!: A Review of Eternal Odyssey
Review by eien_tsubasa
Oh my god, I hate this game! I know that's not how I usually start these reviews but I honestly can't word it any other way. I have played the most horrible, awful, and dreaded games on RRR in these past few years; Angelz Cries Tactics, White Trigger. Kingdom fucking Fantasy II! And yet, THIS game makes me want to break my laptop over my knee. This is the most unbalanced, poorly made, and most BORING game I have EVER played in my entire life. But I know you won't believe me until I tell you, but trust me, you will feel dumber for having read this. Even now as I type this, I can feel my brain cells slowly evaporating from the sheer idiocy of this game. Sigh...You've been warned.
STORY:
The apparent setting of the game is Nero, which runs on a mysterious energy called “Manachondria” or Mana for short (why the hell can't the creator just call it Mana then? Why the long pretentious word??). Mana is described as the “sole energy that feeds all living things”. Yeah forget food, water, and other essential nutrients for basic survival, EVERYTHING runs on Mana, dammit what a stupid concept. Its said that Mana is used naturally by animals, like oxygen to humans, which I call bullshit on because animals have to breath air too (I mean, what? Did all the animals in Nero suddenly stop breathing and instead just live on Mana? And if that's true, then why didn't the humans adjust to...you know what, screw it.) There are also two types of Mana that is used: one that can be enhaled like air and the other...you know what I'm just gonna skip that noise because this moronic concept doesn't even have any real bearing to the story.
Anyway, people who use Mana are “Manalists” who come in four forms that we won't cover because not only am I too lazy, but because I don't want you readers to fall asleep over your computers from me explaining this ridiculous concept to you. Anyway they went extinct because of some war, and a “new authority called Gia claimed control and sought to restore balance andorder”, making Manalists become “the past” (that's seriously how its worded, and that's only one of MANY problems with this game).
The main character is Oni Hemura, a Manalist with one of the most Japanephile names I've seen since my review of Tenchi Kyouran. He hears some kind of ticking noise and is woken up by some voice telling him to wake up. It's here that the game exposits that Oni is captain of Gia and he is called by “Commander” to a mission where he must apprehend a female fugitive. But he suddenly has some kind of unexplained dream while on the train, and a mysterious man tells him that the trained derailed with Oni as the only survivor. The rest of the game is Oni traipsing about like he's sniffing paint, searching for answers.
Okay, already I have a problem with this fucking game: four minutes of the game is occupied by exposition. It tells you pretty much everything I said in the first paragraph, except its a lot more incoherent and full of punctuation errors. All you see, for four minutes straight is white text amongst a black background with FFVIII music blaring in the background. It lacks any kind of poetry or creative flare, spelling out like “Manalists for Fucking Morons”. You couldn't have some book or document in game that tells you all this nonsense instead of wasting four minutes of our time with this garbage?! I honestly wanted to smash my head over the screen with the hope that my brain would leak into the game and make it less stupid. Sigh...okay rant done...review time.
GOOD POINTS
-I finally stopped playing it
-I was able to delete it upon starting this review
BAD POINTS
-Ungodly Huge Maps
The maps in this game are GIGANTIC, and for no purpose whatsoever. This was the first game I ever played where an infirmary stretched out for MILES! Every room, every corridor, every passageway is some type of ungodly maze for which to pad out the playtime with. The only rooms that weren't huge were Oni's quarters and the commander's office. The real offender is the forest stage, a gigantic 500x500 map full of nothing but trees, stumps, and treasure chests, and EVERY ROOM IS LIKE THIS! LONG MAPS RUIN GAMES, CREATOR! They ruin them HARD!
-The Soundtrack
I really feel like a fucking idiot for having to point out ripped soundtracks. Muzie, Newgrounds; both websites that have original music that they will gladly let you use as long as you credit them. I honestly got tired of hearing FFVIII music blaring from my laptop over and over and OVER again! Look, I get it, okay? You want to put your favorite music into your original game., However, adding already existing music completely undercuts the originality of you game, and makes it grating for the unfortunate players you want to attract. If I wanted to hear FFVIII music, I'll buy the damn soundtrack!
-The Gameplay
One of the most broken battle systems I've ever seen. The sideview battlesystem thing doesn't even need to be said at this point, as almost EVERY game I review uses it, but no I have to deal the horrendously broken monsters. You character starts with about 575-600HP, and the monster's damage will range from 20-300 damage! That's one hell of a jump, isn't it?! Again, BALANCE YOUR MONSTERS! Someone, anyone, tell me how its so hard to devote a few minutes of your time to going into your data base and test playing a few time? I can't believe I have to keep pointing this out!
-The Writing
The writing is so bad in this game that I might as well be suffering from dyslexia. Grammar is all over the place, word that aren't supposed to be compound words are compound words, and the run-on sentences, oh GOD the run-on sentences! They make up a majority of the dialogue. I wouldn't harp on this so much if it were just done one or two times, but no, you see this constantly! Look, I;m not trying to sound like your English teacher here creator, but seriously, CHECK YOU WORK!
Okay, I'm tired of talking about this game so let's finish this up:
-Ungodly, near-unending maps
-Over used and repetitive soundtrack
-Broken gameplay
-Careless writing
1!
I hate, hate, hate, HATE this game! This is just a microcosm of every review I had ever made in my year of reviewing. Look creator, I know it must have been your first time making a RPG, as stated in the beginning, but if you weren't confident in game making, then don't try it until your ready. It doesn't take a genius to tell you that this game needs an enormous amount of fixing. And keep in mind, my hatred isn't pointed towards you creator, its just....THIS GAME!
Imagine if you will, having reviewed the most horrible, most TERRIBLE RPG's on this website, and then having to play a game that is a chimera of everything you hated about reviewing them. The broken battle systems, the unoriginal soundtracks, and the ridiculous stories, all twisted up and bundled up into this blob of hatred that clings to you like a life draining parasite. I mean no hatred towards you, creator, but this game takes the cake as one of the worst games I have EVER played in my 22 years of living.
...I need to take a long look at my life...
Reviewer's Score: 1 / 10, Posted Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:33:22 -0500
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