(NOTE : Before you read , Please note that I am NEW to the FORUM, not to RPG Makers.)

Greetings , to you all. I wasn't exactly sure what this topic should go under on the Forum, so I thought Hall of Critique would be Okay.
I've been working with RM platforms since I was in the Sixth Grade, which was four years ago, and I do consider myself to be decently skilled with RMVX.
I've worked on different projects, but I never felt that any of them were good enough to finish. BUT, I decided I'd get back to RMVX and start a new project.
and, I wanted some opinions on an idea of mine. Please , Speak your mind.

For the Plot , or Story, I was thinking something along these lines:
The main character would be a Boy around the age of 18 living in a very Naturistic town with his Brother, who would be around 20 or 21. The two live and train in fighting styles together. One day, A very strange storm comes to the town very unexpectively(excuse the misspell.) The boys brother was not home when the storm came, and the boy takes a large risk by going out into the storm to search for his brother. The boy encounters strange un life like creatures, and ends up not being able to find his brother. When the storm is over, the boy hears of many of the towns people disappearing. The boy then decides to go out and search for his brother, with the help of his two friends, who also have lost family / friends to the storm. I have many more ideas for the game, but I'm not going to put them out, because if I do go through with this idea, I don't want to spoil anything. This is just an IDEA.

Feedback? Anyone?
I'm a skilled mapper / writer, and I could do a great job on this game.

My points of contention are these:

1."The two live and train in fighting styles together" why? What is their motivation to do so? Would they not be more preoccupied with surviving seeing how they are on their own with no income in a preindustrial ("naturalistic") town.
2."The boy then decides to go out and search for his brother, with the help of his two friends, who also have lost family / friends to the storm." Sounds a bit contrived and too convenient.
3. From what little you have provided this all seems like a bare bones "retrieve loved ones" scenario lacking moxie or anything that would make it stand out in any way.

I suggest refining and better explicating your ideas for a more profound, contextualized story concept.

i say get a couple more opinions ollies, honestly.... take prizmiks into consideration but considering what i see of prizmik unless you have graduated a college literate class or something like that no explanation will be "nifty" enough on that field....
(granted i agree with most of what priz said -.-)

@ Ollies, just being as simple and honest as i can here, IF your going for that specific storyline than i do agree with priz on one aspect, refine that storyline because blatantly its 100% run of the mill cliche, as i was reading it i felt like i was reading a storyline for about 30 different games ive played (and can't remember enough to name.....bad thing only remembering how cliche a game was but not even the name of it!)

if your here asking whats wrong with that storyline i think you may find it easier to ask whats right with it, that would take less time to any real rpg'er i mean atleast change some of the things up like the whole family dying, doesnt every rpg character have dead family and every rpg storyline has some big crasy storm (one of mine even did ashamed to say now)

if your trying to make a general basic style classic rpg that anybody could pick up and play i say the plot is dead on only because it doesn't leave much room for a twist (in any real gameplayers mind we've played that storyline in so many games) but for the general public of people whom dont want to rack their mind figuring out the story or following it and want to get a feel for gaming or rpg's in general, you got a very good start i say in that field.

i say if your making a game for the expert rpg'er and a twisty story immediately go back to the drawing board.
If your making a game that people can actually play and follow without having to be some avid gamer, your on the money!

WELL,
I've reviewed both of your replies, and I thank you for this great critique.
As I said , though, this was an idea. Am I going to go through with this idea? No, I have decided not to for I am too busy with writing and school work.
I do understand how this idea could have sounded greatly cliche, and I've come to the conclusion that I won't be working on projects with RMVX any longer unless I think of a way to form a concept that could be based from one of my writings.
But, I do believe I am a very good writer and I'll most likely be posting some of my writings onto this site. So you should check it out, if you like.

Thanks guys.

I like the idea overall, mystery games can be really fun, I'm working on one myself. The difficult part is writing out a mystery game that is intriguing rather than cliche, so how are you going to make yours unique? So far the premise doesn't do much to be original but it all depends on where you take it.