I never thought I was capable of falling in love man...until this happened.

At first, my friends girlfriend mentioned that her roomate, Chelsey, at UNCP, may be my type or whatever. At first I'm like..."fu*k b**ches get money" until I actually saw her...I was love struck at that moment...Me, my friend whos girlfriend is Chelsey's roomate, and my other friend was present in the room. My friends girlfriend introduced Chelsey to all three of us...she did something I would never expect a girl to do...she actually came over to all three of us and shook our hand to greet...and she seems so cool and nice (she is not a hoe) i haven't spoken to her since...but i added her on facebook (she hasnt accepted my request yet, I'm assuming she hasnt logged on)

Even if she does accept my request what do I suppose to say to her? im terrible with women, but I'm awesome at being creative...should I send her a facebook message like..."hi. not sure if you remember, but we met a couple days ago at my friends dorm." i mean...im so love struck im nervous to even say something to her man...I have to break the ice somehow...advice?

Send a message that shows you have more of a backbone. "Hey, its (insert name here), met you at my friends' dorm". If you want to ask her out, just see if she wants to do something simple, like going to lunch/dinner on campus.

And stop saying you are in love dammit. You are infatuated at best. Your use of phrases like "f- b-, get money" and such shows you might be too immature/rash with your actions and mentality, so take things slow and while you shouldn't overthink things, you should put alittle thought into what you say and do.

Also, how long has it been since you met her?

Since last Friday I believe. Thing is I don't want to send her that message and freak her out like I'm stalking her or whatever...hopefully she won't think that...

Edit:
Alright well I sent her the message, guess I'll just wait till she replies.

She'll only think you're stalking if you are creepy about things. And 99.99% of the time, you only look really creepy when you overthink things. Now that you messaged her go about your business and focus on things other than her. Don't make her the focus of your attention. Don't creep her FB page, don't check your mail every five seconds.

Alright well, thanks man.

Ok so.

- You do not know this girl

What do you want from her? A girlfriend? A f*buddy? A friend?

If you want a girlfriend, you don't even know her. All you've done is seen her (and fallen in love?)

If you want a friend, just talk to her. Normally. Forget any notion of "f-ck b-tches get money".

I know, you're young and girls to you are just a means to get sex, but friends are more important (and more likely to give said sex) in the long run.

I'm sorry but if you can fall in love by looking at someone that strikes me as shallow and will to her if you come on too strongly. She doesn't know you, you don't know her, so take things easy.

Yeah I know I will. Thanks.

hmmm, practical advice? naa.
From a purely scientific view (yay) the greatest way to seem attractive/interesting is to seem interested in someone, but not necessarily them. Also it's a proven fact that men (doesn't happen to women) become appalling at basic conversation when with a woman they find attractive. Solution? Take it easy.

As for actual advice? I suck at that. Hell, I could tell you the night I just had but not even I believe me. I suppose you should just be yourself, keep it relaxed, be kind but don't seem boring, and appear available but without being forceful.

From a frat boy's perspective, he's right but I can summarize it better: "Stop giving a shit."

I can't tell you how much easier it is to talk to women when you stop worrying about what they'll think of you. That isn't to say you should be completely rude, but if the thought "Uh oh, I hope she doesn't think X about me" or "I hope she likes that I'm saying/doing/wearing Y" pops into your head you are trying way to hard and trust me, itll show to her.


It works for both random hookups and actual substantial relationships. I'll give a personal example of both.

I won't lie, many times when I'd go to parties or places where "the courtship ritual" might take place, I tend to try a bit hard. I wear nice clothes, nice cologne, constantly try to guess what the woman I'm talking to is thinking, stuff like that. It typically ends up with me psyching myself out thinking "Why bother, I probably already made myself seem like a jackass."

On the other hand, most of the times I hooked up with females is when finding one wasn't really on my mind at all. I'd wear the shirt I wore all day. I'd have on speed stick rather than fancy fragrances. I'd talk with my usual candid, ascerbic, sarcastic tone rather than trying to be Mister Nice Guy or Mister Suave. I know "be yourself" seems like meaningless advice, but the less you try to make yourself into what you think she wants and the more you show her the kind of person you are, the easier it is to approach women.

Note: That only works if you have a personality and know how to keep your impulses in check. Mellow is the way to be.

As for substantial relationships, Ill tell you about my current one. I first met my girlfriend more than a year ago. I was into her pretty early on, and she seemed slightly interested, but everytime we talked I guess I either thought into the whole "wanting to date her" thing too much or I seemed to forward(therefore seeming like I only wanted sex) and so everytime I asked her out, she pretty much rejected me(she never actually said no, so I never stopped asking, heh). Eventually I finally assumed that nothing would really happen between us, so I stopped focusing on her as much as I did, up to the point where a month or so passed where I didn't really talk to her(Not ignoring her, mind you, just sort of focused on schoolwork, friends, etc.)

Eventually she was the one who sought me out, trying to catch up again, and when we talked this time, I tended to take a more friendly approach, still sprinkling in flirting so as not to fall into the friend zone(Note: The Friend Zone DOES exist. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. Beware) We started talking more and more, getting more and more personal in our conversations while still having that feeling of tension(sexual and otherwise) between us. Eventually one night when she came over to watch movies with me(Note that in college this makes for an awesome date, next to no cost but keeps the romantic vibe) and during the night, as we made conversation about some random BS we sorta had that tense moment where you are both stared at each other, trying to figure out what the other felt.

I could have overthought things and psyched myself out thinking that she might reject me, or that I had read her body language wrong or whatever, but instead I just said "f- it" (Literally I said it out loud) and went in for a kiss. Its exactly what she wanted to, and she told me later that she thought I wasn't interested in her anymore, and over-thought what that sort of look meant.

On a side note, also remember that the person you are going for is just that, a person. Just like you. They get nervous, they hesitate, wonder how you feel about them just as much as you do. Sometimes what seems like rejection or indifference is really the other person overthinking things as much as you. If you aren't willing to take the initiative you miss out on alot.

Well...case and point, she has a boyfriend...which I figured. She posted a picture of her and her bf on facebook...and still didnt accept my friend request...
nor replied to the message I sent her.
-Sighs-

Sucks ass man. I look at my friends and see how they are happily in love with their significant other and here I'am pure garbage! Fuckin' pisses me off. I can't find the right woman. I saw that in Chelsey...but as always, the revolutionary is forbidden to love...much like a Jedi.
Guess I'll go Huey from the Boondocks and have disdain for everyone while keeping to myself.

Your first problem is that you are "looking" for love. That never ends well, because you are too willing to fall into it with the first person you think might be remotely compatible with. Thats not how relationships work, at all. You kept saying you were "love struck" and such with that girl. You only met her once, spent less than a few hours with her, didn't really get to know her at all. How can you honestly say you love the chick? Infatuated with her, sure. Have a crush on her, why not? But if love is what you really felt then you are going to have a long road of upset coming your way.

I say this because I was sorta this way as well. Seemed like every girl who seemed remotely compatible was the one for me, and I near obsessed over them from the get-go. Trust me, that goes away after you have a relationship with one or more of those "perfect" chicks and you realize the folly of your ways. You should be willing to persue a relationship, that is for sure, but you shouldn't spend your time searching for one. Just go on with your life and don't worry about love so much. Make some female friends so its easier to talk to women.

Now, if your goal is just to hook up with women, then remember two things:

Whatever your standards are, lower them. You don't have random flings with your dream girl. If you think you could pull a 7 expect to have random hookups with a 4 or 5 consistently.

Learn how to handle your liquor. Self explanatory.


But if its a relationship, a meaningful one, that you are looking for, just let it come naturally. Thats the way they last the longest.

If it makes ya feel any better, me and my gf broke up over the weekend(the long distance finally got to her) so give me a day or two I'll be at crotchety scorned lover level.

I wouldn't just "friend" her on Facebook and wait to see what happens. She met you once, and it would seem a bit creepy. Maybe try to arrange a friendly double date with your friend, his girlfriend, and her. That should help break the ice somewhat.

Well that'll be nice but like I said she has a bf and is off limits at the moment. I'm willing to forget all about now. But all of you were right and thanks for your help, but shes obviously out of my reach.