Aug 28 2011, 06:42 PM
QUOTE (Sparrowsmith @ Aug 28 2011, 09:58 PM)
hmmm, practical advice? naa.
From a purely scientific view (yay) the greatest way to seem attractive/interesting is to seem interested in someone, but not necessarily them. Also it's a proven fact that men (doesn't happen to women) become appalling at basic conversation when with a woman they find attractive. Solution? Take it easy.
As for actual advice? I suck at that. Hell, I could tell you the night I just had but not even I believe me. I suppose you should just be yourself, keep it relaxed, be kind but don't seem boring, and appear available but without being forceful.
From a frat boy's perspective, he's right but I can summarize it better: "Stop giving a shit."
I can't tell you how much easier it is to talk to women when you stop worrying about what they'll think of you. That isn't to say you should be completely rude, but if the thought "Uh oh, I hope she doesn't think X about me" or "I hope she likes that I'm saying/doing/wearing Y" pops into your head you are trying way to hard and trust me, itll show to her.
It works for both random hookups and actual substantial relationships. I'll give a personal example of both.
I won't lie, many times when I'd go to parties or places where "the courtship ritual" might take place, I tend to try a bit hard. I wear nice clothes, nice cologne, constantly try to guess what the woman I'm talking to is thinking, stuff like that. It typically ends up with me psyching myself out thinking "Why bother, I probably already made myself seem like a jackass."
On the other hand, most of the times I hooked up with females is when finding one wasn't really on my mind at all. I'd wear the shirt I wore all day. I'd have on speed stick rather than fancy fragrances. I'd talk with my usual candid, ascerbic, sarcastic tone rather than trying to be Mister Nice Guy or Mister Suave. I know "be yourself" seems like meaningless advice, but the less you try to make yourself into what you think she wants and the more you show her the kind of person you are, the easier it is to approach women. Note: That only works if you have a personality and know how to keep your impulses in check. Mellow is the way to be.
As for substantial relationships, Ill tell you about my current one. I first met my girlfriend more than a year ago. I was into her pretty early on, and she seemed slightly interested, but everytime we talked I guess I either thought into the whole "wanting to date her" thing too much or I seemed to forward(therefore seeming like I only wanted sex) and so everytime I asked her out, she pretty much rejected me(she never actually said no, so I never stopped asking, heh). Eventually I finally assumed that nothing would really happen between us, so I stopped focusing on her as much as I did, up to the point where a month or so passed where I didn't really talk to her(Not ignoring her, mind you, just sort of focused on schoolwork, friends, etc.)
Eventually she was the one who sought me out, trying to catch up again, and when we talked this time, I tended to take a more friendly approach, still sprinkling in flirting so as not to fall into the friend zone(Note: The Friend Zone DOES exist. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. Beware)
We started talking more and more, getting more and more personal in our conversations while still having that feeling of tension(sexual and otherwise) between us. Eventually one night when she came over to watch movies with me(Note that in college this makes for an awesome date, next to no cost but keeps the romantic vibe) and during the night, as we made conversation about some random BS we sorta had that tense moment where you are both stared at each other, trying to figure out what the other felt.
I could have overthought things and psyched myself out thinking that she might reject me, or that I had read her body language wrong or whatever, but instead I just said "f- it" (Literally I said it out loud) and went in for a kiss. Its exactly what she wanted to, and she told me later that she thought I wasn't interested in her anymore, and over-thought what that sort of look meant.
On a side note, also remember that the person you are going for is just that, a person. Just like you. They get nervous, they hesitate, wonder how you feel about them just as much as you do. Sometimes what seems like rejection or indifference is really the other person overthinking things as much as you. If you aren't willing to take the initiative you miss out on alot.