My idea for a new project.

===BACK STORY===

In the universe long time ago, there used to be the race of the wisest being known as "Eden" who successfully created the way to link planets from the various galaxy in the universe with "The Gate of Eden," which used the power of the "Key Maidens" to lock and unlock the gates that chained the planets in the universe that have lifes, with the hope that every being in it can befriend others. However, after the highest and the wisest elder passed away, the race was divided into two groups: Black and White Eden, saperated by different beliefs and discrimination upon another that existed for over millions years. They then spent more than thousand years battle each other in the endless war for something the wise men from the past considered stupid and cruel: power.

One day, the leader of the White Eden discovered a prophesy the last elder of Eden wrote before he passed away, saying of the legendary "Universal Hero" carrying "Unversal Equipments" from somewhere in the universe was destinated to stop the war betweeen the two races and bring an eternal peace. Fearing the downfall of his own kind, the White Eden expends the war into the neighbor planets, which the act is ultimately against the law. They starts killing any possible hero and capture children and women that has any sign of being a hero or a key maiden. Choas approached every planets in the unverse, and only the chosen one can stop this nightmare.

===MAIN STORY===

The planet Metazoa, the planet with anthropomorphic animals as its inhabitants, is facing its downfall as the White Eden, under the name "Order of Eden," attacks and wipes out the population of the planet. The last hope of Kingdom Grandina, Prince Edrick and his fiancee/right hand woman, Sorcha, rush into the a battle against the enemy. But upon the confrontation with Cagnazzo, the Archfield of Water, they are totally defeated. In the blink of life and death, the mysterious ligh warped the prince away from the battle field where no one can find him. Poor Princess Sorcha, whose heart is broken, gets captured by the enemy, get abused, and ends up as a mental ill woman.

The prince is brought across the galaxy and landed upon the planet Gaia (Earth,) but unfortunately, he is turned back into an infant and lose all his memories. Two formor adventurers find him at the caved in gate of Eden, and adopt him as a son.

When the prince turns nine, he is a skilled swordsman who is trained directly by his father, but rather a quiet person. He and his close friend Ritz are seen wandering into dangerous places to help tose in need. In the one fateful day, however, everyone except the prince who is getting a common cold go to a school field trip, and gets ambushed by the White Eden. The prince's best friends, Ritz, Satako the robot, Rei the PA, and his mother are all captured by the evil White Eden.

In despair, the prince's father decides to seach of the way to rescue his wife. the prince and Rex, his younger brother who the prince has a rough relationship with offer themselves to join their father into the quest. The prince and Rex finally gets along after a bit of the quest, but very soon before the party faces Milon, the Archfield of Earth, and that's when everything goes to hell. The father kills the enemy along with him, Rex is captured, The mother is turned into a stone, though the prince is rescued in time by a young female Black Eden and is taken to her realm.

10 years after, the teenaged prince, who is now emotionally healed (somehow,) and Iiana, an innocent female who doesn't know the true nature of wars are assigned by the queen of the Black Eden to find the legendary "Universal Hero" and "Univeral Equipments" to defeat the evil White Eden once and for all by traversing though the planets after planets linked with the Eden Gate. The prince plans to use this opportunity to fufill the promise he had with his father and rescue the people important to him. Along the quest, the prince reunions with his old friends and rivals include Furio the hot blooded scientist, Ritz the summoner, Satako the axe user, the mage lancer Sorcha, the healer Meda, and Baan, a martial artist who is strangely resemble his long lost brother in an appearance. Together, they have to find the Universal Hero, unfold the secret of the prophesy of the Eden's wise men as well as to rescue those who are captured and abused by the White Eden, and stop the overlonging unwanted wars once and for all.

Hi manat31790,

I like the concept of your story. I can see you're trying to go with the classic good vs evil. There a few questions i'd like to ask you though.

If the leader of the "White Eden" dies, who would then take over?

You have mentioned "They starts killing any possible hero and capture children and women that has any sign of being a hero or a key maiden" This effectively doesn't make any sense. I can understand that the prophecy has spurred on the "Whites" but I don't understand why they would go blindly killing, from the sounds of it, there are many gates, many worlds and thousands of people. Can you please explain this in further detail?

"When the prince turns nine, he is a skilled swordsman who is trained directly by his father, but rather a quiet person. Can you clarify is his father the quiet person or is the prince quiet? Also "his close friend Ritz" is this the princes or his Fathers?

If the Queen of Black Eden has summoned "adventurers to seek out the "Universal Hero", how does the Queen know about the hero if the "White Eden's" former leader found the prophecy.

Apologies if these are some of the main area's to your plot line. The main reason I ask it to get a better understanding of how the story flows and the way the characters will interact.

I'd like to assist you with pointers etc through this post to try and give you the best chance of building on the points you have provided.

Any Q's just reply or PM me

Well done and keep on writing!

Tyla

No one. The party doesn't care of politic anyway. Beside, the fallen of the White Eden will trigger a new villain, the Black Eden's commander, who, of course, wants to take over the universe. After the party kills him, the White and Black commanders will join force into the evilest being in the universe, which will be the final boss. After the end of the game, the ramnents of both Black and White Eden races stop fighting each other and form some sort of aliance that takes care of universe's peace, fufilling the wise men's original wish.

All in all, The Black Eden's also using the heroes for their own goods, but since the heroes only care about peace, they fight the higest commander of the Black Eden, who have killed most of Ilana's families and friends, include the Queen, the only high ranked who has been wishing for peace of the universe in the first place.


"Key Maiden", or "Mana Seer" is a sort of random power that goes through random people at the random time. So, no telling who's the chosen one or not. They do not kill women. Just enslave them and them work for them., same goes with the future possible "hero" kids. They plan to train them up for their own benifits. However, If the "hero" is already matured, there's no use to make them join as they're destroying their homelands anyway, so they kill every man just to be safe no adult or teenaged hero's gonna approach them.

I got this concept from Dragon Quest IV and V, so... it's something simillar to their stories.


The Prince is a quiet person. His adoptive father is the hero from my other project, whom is very hot blooded. Ritz Nigelion is the prince's best friend, as they have been playing together since they're babies.


Eden's technology is very advanced. It's not possible for the Black tribe to have sent a spy into the White tribe for that information. Think of real life wars. They're no dumb people that let oneself fall into a disadvantage situation.