Regarding this predicting couples -
The predictive power of Gottman's model, however, is disputed. Journalist Laurie Abraham writes, "What Gottman did wasn't really a prediction of the future but a formula built after the couples' outcomes were already known. This isn't to say that developing such formulas isn't a valuable—indeed, a critical—first step in being able to make a prediction. The next step, however—one absolutely required by the scientific method—is to apply your equation to a fresh sample to see whether it actually works. That is especially necessary with small data slices (such as 57 couples), Gottman never did this.
So yes, complete nonsense. You cannot predict if a couple are going to last after an hour.
what if they had an argument an hour before?
anyway - this I feel is off-topic, because we are going into a discussion about a specific research method.
I don't want to cut into sparrow specifically, but i think that what he said here nicely sums up some of the other posts and ideas.
The way I see relationships, take a lesson from the movies. It has to be unrequited. Prove your love all you need to, but your love should never be demanded, and you should never have to lie.
That is.. True love.
all other loves, lusts, and one night stands come under the 'Lie' part of love.
This I believe is one of the biggest reasons for strife between couples.
the Movies - THEY ARE NOT REAL
being in a loving relationship means at times being miserable, bored, and angry.
the key is that even when you are in a down phase, you still recognise that you have a beautiful thing.
This "Disney" idea is the first one you need to kick into touch if you want to be happy.
QUOTE (The BreadSultan)
If it never rained in heaven, there wouldn't be any flowers
and If it is true Love, then it should always be demanded.
Because that is the constant - things may be good or bad - but as long as there is love and romance - lets face the music and dance.
And regardless of what the films say.
you can't really prove that you love someone.
that's why a relationship is built around trust.
And no, you shouldn't have to lie.
THAT is crucial - you should each be happy within your own established boundaries -
but having said that - PARANOIA has no place in a healthy relationship.
people are mostly paranoid because Hollywood and the media has told them to be jealous and angry and upset.
If your girlfriend/boyfriend go's out clubbing and kisses someone else.
why is that bad?
the Aussies have a VERY healthy attitude towards this, they call it a "pash" and it's recognised as a heat of the moment bit of frivolity and fun.
Yet most, would see this as grounds for an argument or worse still break-up.
why for what?
It was just a ?drunken? kiss - does it mean that she does not love you?
Does it mean you don't love her?
just because you were flirting with another girl?
what if it goes to the "extreme" what if she sleeps with someone else?
that's awful right?
or is it?
chances are she wasn't a virgin when you met her.
and you don't own her -
If your missus goes out and stays with a friend, comes back at 8 the next day
your missus meets some guy, and has sex with him, then comes back the next day.
what difference is it to you?
none - provided she is sensible - you wouldn't know unless she told you and found out.
then you would get upset right?
This is because when it comes to infidelity -
It's not the act itself - but rather the deception that goes with it that people find upsetting.
which comes back to honesty. i.e. you shouldn't lie.
So if I go out to a club, and i kiss another girl,
Do I feel guilty?
Does my missus know that when i go out from time to time I find myself kissing other girls, dancing with them in clubs etc.?
does it mean i love her ANY less?
I'm not really an advocate for "open Relationships", as people tend to go out of their way to pull - and your having sex with someone else on a regular basis -
but if something pretty falls into your lap - then why deny yourself the happiness?
If its a passing bit of fun in the moment - where is the harm?
There is none -
Thus people i feel need to check reality and look at things as they really are.
Now my missus happens to be of the opinion that she is not interested in kissing other people or sleeping with them.
(though she has a habit of pulling hot girls when she is drunk - something i am only too happy to encourage
but she understands that sometimes when i go out, I AM - and I will.
we talked about these things in a calm manner, and we understand each other.
the key again is to being honest.
While i don't sleep with other girls, my missus knows in no uncertain terms that at some point between now and when i am 50 -
I will, probably sleep with 2 or 3 other people.
And thats fine - It's also something every man does - except they bullshit about it and make promises they know they wont / can't keep.
to be honest for me these base physical things are exactly that - base and physical.
If my missus sexed someone else, i wouldn't really be that bothered, as long as it was a one off and done safely.
but if she so much as made him a cup of tea - let alone breakfast in the morning - i would be pissed.
because those are wife duties - and that is something i am not willing to share (yes i live in the 50's)
some people dont understand,
they think my missus is weak - or has low self confidence - etc. (until they get to know her)
but that could not be further from the truth,
she is incredibly strong, knows how to get her way, and doesn't take shit.
she is also Ridiculously hot, and i don't mean to brag - but she really is a AAA1-FOX
and a total domestic goddess to boot!
which is great because i hate cleaning, shopping, cooking etc.
and despite what you may think - the fact that i fool around with other girls, and do nothing in terms of domestic chores, - she wears the trousers
and the key to our happiness - HONESTY -
and that means being honest with yourself too.
If you are out at a party and a really pretty girl comes over and starts dancing with you - If you are going to want to dance with her - then you had better make that known. - otherwise you will be put in to a situation where you have to chose between yourself and your missus - and THAT - leads to negative vibes.
bah i waffle