We've all been lied to by our parents at one point or another. What particularly bad lies do you remember being told, and which ones did you actually believe?
I'll start with the obvious: Santa Claus.

My mum told me that a watched pot doesn't boil.

I WATCHED THE POT
OH YES
I WATCHED THAT POT

And. . .
IT BOILED!


So yeah, that's a lie, A LIE that I didn't believe.
Hence me watching the pot to prove me right.

my parents beat me as a kid

so i guess they didnt lie

My parents are realists, so they never lied about anything in front of me. However, they did lie to each other a lot, so it was kind of funny for me. =]

my parents told me a number of things which they didn't know were true or not, which might as well have been lies...
"I don't think we have enough money to send you to China"
6 months later, in china

oh yeah, and every single fairy tale ever, I believed them all

Me: "Where do babies come from?"
Mum: "Babies are lovely gifts from God..."
Me: "But... why does God give all his babies to people?"
Mum: "So that they can share the same pleasures as he does."
Me: "So.... can we get the same babysitter as God..?"

This conversation lasted for agesm revolving around God and babies o.O
For some sick reason, my uncle had it recorded and felt obliged to show it to me on my birthday.
With friends around
It was funny to watch nonetheless

There's also one that isn't EXACTLY a lie, but the way I look at things... yes it is false.
"Monsters aren't real" <------ LIE!!

My mum didn't lie to me about anything other than Santa and the Easter bunny.
There are some things she told me that I wish she had lied about.
Ironically, she was so honest with me, but leads a very dishonest life herself.

Sidenote: "A watched pot never boils" - is a figure of speech, not to be taken literally xD

Yeah.
<_<
I knew that.
>_>

xD

Thinking about it now I can't really remember any lies that my parents told me,
other than obvious stuff like "What did I get for teh christmas!?!11!!1"
Mum, "I DUNNO LULZ"
Me, ":o You totally do."

Quite a few if I recall.

Picking your nose would damage your brain and your finger would come out of your eye socket. This one scared me for quite a few years.

Cracking open the pips in fruit often led to diamonds being inside.

Of course, Santa Claus. Although they were convincing as the mince pies and carrots (for the reindeer) were eaten in the morning, haha.

Shaking your head too fast will make your brain explode.

EDIT: Thinking about it, they said the same about holding your breath.... except your lungs would explode... <_<

Aren't parents just lovely people? They lie about the pointless stuff but have no qualms over talking about their horrible sex life. One lie I would have enjoyed was being told that sexual organs drop off after 30. That'd be nice.

XDD @ Harry's story
Also, I've never heard those ones before Phantomile. Man, your parents are damn creative. Some more I remember:
If you make a funny face, your face will be stuck like that. FOREVAAAAAR. DDDD: I was afraid of doing so much as sneezing, man.
If you cry at night, devils will eat your legs. (WTF MOM THAT WAS SADISTIC).
If you WHISTLE at night, something bad will happen. (Scared the hell out of me NOT knowing what bad thing would happen)
If you CUT YOUR NAILS at night, something bad will happen. (Scared the hell out of me ;_;)

My parents never told me things that sadistic, that tried to lies about other things though, but nothing sexual. They told me where babies came from, and other things about their marriage before I was born (I wished they had lied to me about those things!). Other than that they never lied to me.

Did your mum just hate you doing things at night? XD!
And lol, MyPhantomile. Like Oko said, creative parents you have there. xD

Also, MyPhantomile, my parents did that at christmas too.
Funny thing is, we always left Baileys for Santa, happened to be one of my mums favourite drinks around christmas time. XD

"Monsters aren't real" <------ LIE!!

A monster could be termed as a Large animal.

If I didn't go to bed before midnight a witch would come and boil me alive

Ahh another great one.

"If you are bad ,Santa clause won't give you presents, He will give you nightmares for the rest of your life"

If I didn't get good grades I'll end up turning into a frog or something similar XD

My mother told me that my penis was going to fall off and I'd die of AIDS because I slept with a girl who lived in my apartment complex.

I was 13 ;_;

Ouch, that's a horrible thing to say to your kids, haha!

Similarly, my mum ran in on me "doing the business" when I was like 10 years old. We had a lovely chat about it afterwards and while she said it was perfectly fine to enjoy myself, I would have to be careful because not only would I go blind but I'd also get hairy palms... Doesn't really act as a deterrent though, heh.

As much as I try to remember, the only thing that comes to mind is Santa Claus.

Lies I was told by parents:

"all kids have to start working when they are 9." (I grew up working some every summer, learning construction and earning school supplies money.)

"we are saving the rest of your money for your college fund." (step father was blowing it on his whores, drugs, and fishing trips)

"Jesus and his disciples wrote the Bible." (modern bible comes ultimately from Nicean translation into the vulgate, which was written by Irenee' DeLyon, and no one has seen the original books outside the vatican since the third century A.D. Irenee wrote things indicating he may have destroyed the original.)

"Genetics is something you shouldn't do your 2nd grade science project on." (wanted me to make a baking soda volcano.)

I dispelled Santa and Easter bunny at a young age, but believed I could talk to horses and they could talk to me, but only in direct sunlight, go figure. I was a weird kid, but not one for total fairytale logic. My criticism and scrutiny were too much for my parents. They simply threatened to beat me if I confounded their attempts to lie to my sister or brother about that stuff.

"If you go outside without a trusted adult a pedophile will kidnap you."

"If you put in a tampon, you will lose your virginity and you won't be able to get married."

"If you stay at that computer screen/.television you will get square eyes." (square glasses maybe).

WHAT??? Santa isnt real???

the worst lie my parents ever told me was that I was dead. I was like 5 and I believed them. For no reason whatsoever. I came down one morning and my dad just said to me your dead. With no explanantion at all. Very confusing. My mum would keep saying all through that day. Then the next day they just stopped. One of the strangest (and scariest) days of my life.

LULwut? how can you exist if you are dead?

I wouldn't call it lies, just 80-90's style misinformation, but my parents were full of hilarity.

"Don't stand too close to the microwave, you'll get cancer!" type stuff.

0_o. That's a bit serious.

"If you summon Bahamut in FF4 he will appear at your window and eat you." I was scared to shit of summoning Bahamut.

"You can grow up to be anything you want to be" ten years later, I'm not closer to being a pikachu... Not that I wanted to be a pikachu to begin with... Doesn't change that I'm not a pikachu... Or a dragon... Or a talking monkey

The tooth fairy, I actually put a tooth under my pillow to get some $$
cus they werent giving me any. I was about.....8 yrs old? And next day
the tooth was still there

Here's a bad one: Anytime as I kid when I looked out the back window in the car at the car driving behind us, I was told the driver would pull out a gun and shoot me. I never looked out the back window again.

Here's a comedic one: Recently I was told that Eminem was popular in the 1940s. So obviously fake and dumb, and my mom was completely serious about it.

Where do babies come from.....?

My parents are very much against this sort of thing. I mean, we still went through all the motions (teeth and pillows, milk and cookies, blah blah blah), but just for fun. I mean, free money and presents? Nice family time? Duh. But they never told us such things were real. They always told me the truth about things (or what they believed to be the truth anyway). They feel if you lie to your children about... well, anything really, they won't trust you with the big things. Probably why I have such a good relationship with them.

That, and they're pretty much bigger nerds than I am.

mentioning presents I just remembered four years ago
Christmas, I come down stairs, there's a MASSIVE BOX (seriously I could fit inside it) And I'm like
Then it moos at me, and I was really worried. I start opening it, family present, and it's just one box inside another. When I finally get to the bottom it's just a little box, containing a phone, that's mooing because my parents have been texting it
The phone was nice, the fact I thought they'd gotten me a cow was not... I'm not sure if this was lying but it was certainly confusing.

or a complete dick!



Anyway my parents never lied to me about the real world.
lol about when i asked my mom where babies come from and she explicitly explained to me the mechanics of sex.

My adoptive mom told me I was her son and that she gave birth to me....which is pretty stuipd cause i was wayyyy old enough to know better , think i was like 16 or 17 at the time, lost all respect for her after that.

I was just told the basic holiday people like Santa or the Easter Bunny from now on. Oh also if you don't go to sleep early apparently aliens take you away or something.

My mom told me Kiss was a good band. I can't believe I sat there and took in all of those lies they have told me.

0_o. No comment.

This was actually not long ago (link a month and a half), but I bought like six cases of mountain dew when the new flavors came out, and put them in my room. The next day three of them were missing. O)_(O

I asked my mom if she took them and she of course denied it.


Guess what I found under her bed yesterday? >.>

Too much television gives you square eyes.

I would kill for square eyes you lying bastards.

That's what toothpicks are for, my friend.


My parents told me TV wasn't real... I touched that television, and it felt quite real.

That if I ate too much Ice cream i would feel sick.

And having eaten entire tubs of Ben and JErry's in a single sitting, I can confirm that it was a lie.

I remeber my mum saying tht if I chew out loud, A giant freak of nature would chew my balls (I was 10 >.>)

0_o. That would be painful....

I remember one time my mother sat me down and said "Son, anytime someone doesn't seem to make sense, remember that in their mind, they absolutely do." I remember that day. I had 10 years of customer service experience. Each job was slightly different with their own kind of crazy in the form of customers...the things they do...they things they say. But to a degree, if I put myself in their shoes, they would start to make sense. ...Then I met Phantsmal. Why did you lie to me, Mom?

lol I was told that if someone wasn't making sense, I should run away and call Child Services. As much of a lie that was, I still think about it and laugh XD

Waiter: "Good evening, young sir. What will you be having?"
Fain: "Oh, just a salad for now."
Waiter: "And what dressing would you like?"
Fain: "'Dressing?' You mean...the salad is NAKED?! I don't understand!" *gets up, runs out the door* "Somebody call children services! There's a pervert in there with salads!"

lol exactly! XD

I haven't read through this topic yet, but I surmise that the snarky 'religion' comment has cropped up.

As far as me, though, Santa Claus, I suppose.

Such a moving and true story, bro.

Confusion is a state of weakness.

A game lied to me once. That game was FFVII.

"Careful! attack it while it's tail is up!It'll counter with it's laser! FUCK YOU CLOUD, YOU MADE ME GET A GAME OVER."

My mum told me that there was a serial killer out there who enjoys killling children if they do not sleep on time and if you do not pray to God. It was so scary and she said fruits and vegetables will protect you from such evils, while meat will give you strength against them, but eating only one set of food group will make you become evil and turn you into a manpig. I hate these lies, they made me so frightened. I was actually 8 and I was told everything will not be a happy ever after and finally santa, toothfairy and easter bunny do not exist. Only pain does. It was a weird childhood, but she loves me though, it was just to teach me how to have a healthy life, esepcially with the food groups. Even if it was extreme.