Long-distance relationships Options

[Spirit_Master_X]

Ofcourse I would be against her flirting. Her having her fun...ok, but flirting? a big no no. A especially when she is time zones away. I just don't get why she would want to leave...

I'm honestly beginning to believe that a part of her wants to stay with me, and another part of her wants to break free.
I came to this assumption because she told me things like...

"You've been an amazing boyfriend, and I appreciated everything you have done for me."

Just the way she said it makes me think she wants to move on with her life without me. Even though she say she is doing this for the both of us, but I'm really starting to think she wants something more. I actually planned on not talking to her at all when she goes and just say fuck it, oh well...Feels like I've wasted my time, emotions, energy, love, and money with this girl...Or then again...I could just be overreacting. I just feel like she is ditching me. She came into my life extremely curious and wanted us to be together...and now she wants to move away. She once asked me what if she was just here in my life to pick me off my feet.

She doesn't want a relationship with me. She wants a sexy kid with confidence, money, and knows how to really make her laugh...I could just be overreacting...But I feel like if she goes all of these assumptions, doubts, are going to cloud my judgement...because I know how I'am. But I don't want to be that way. I want us to work, but she is fucking risking everything we've built and deep down I'am pissed. But I can't show that I'm pissed to her. I'm only obliged to encourage her...and it's really pissing me off on the inside. Hell, when she leaves I might just move on and find someone who actually appreciates a relationship so dearly, that the girl would actually make that huge sacrifice to stick with it.

I seriously doubt she can withstand temptation for a year. The longest she has gone without sex is three months...or so she say. She told me it would be a real challenge for her. At one point I had asked her if she could go that long without sex and she said...no. Now she is saying yes. This girl is a libra and she can be indecisive at times. That's why I'am not so sure about this long distance relationship abroad thing...because the most beautiful couples couldn't survive this challenge.

I'm kinda just wondering...if she is leaving anyway...why am I still here with her?

On the outside, I'am happy for her and smiling. On the inside...I feel hurt and betrayed. I already know when it is time for her to leave, I will become just a hopeless drunk while she is out having the time of her life. Just living it up, not even realizing that she is destroying something she claims to love. Not realizing that she has ditched and betrayed someone who truly cares for her, unlike her ex's.

Screw relationships, never again am I getting in one.

This post has been edited by Spirit_Master_X: Mar 20 2013, 09:07 PM

[Magical_RuNE_Kni...]

U might want to try not thinking about her too much again. Ur life and ur future isnt anchored to this event and this relationship.

I think her saying that doesnt necessarily mean she is going to break away. It potentially could, yes, but that is an assumption, a possibility.
A possibility based on a statement she said, and a possibility that could b wrong.
That isnt a very fair conclusion for u nor for her to rly make right now. Besides, there is a possibilty that u have likely said something similar to her, ur friends, or ur family, correct?

Compare that statement to everything else u know; u know that she wanted u two to work nearby, that she wanted u to come w/ her, that she was worried about u falling out of love. U know that she hasnt given any indication of cheating on u.
Those r things that u know and that have happened. They are not possibilities that could b wrong.


Personally, i would go away for a year if i got accepted into a program like that btw. Especially if the program was something like yes, teaching, in the foreign countr(ies) of my origin/ ancestry.

I dont think one can guarantee that astronauts who go to space, or soldiers who go to war, or ship captains who go sailing, or aid officers who go to developping countries, or biologists who study in rainforests... I dont think one can conclude that any one of these people do not love their families nor will plan on cheating on them.

Both u and some of them will b seperated from their lovers for a long period of time. It will b hard.
But isnt there equally a possibility that it can work, and that their lover doesnt want to leave them?

If u wouldnt want her cheating, even flirting, what justifies what u would b doing? How would u explain urself to others?
Im sure u would feel like crap if u went on a teaching program, then found out ur girlfriend lied to u and cheated on u as soon as u left.



Relationships dont always work, yea. But at least give u guys both a chance and try the long-distance idea. If u miss her, u can join her later, if it works, u can keep at it, but if it doesnt, at least it wont b bcuz of u.

Just give urself some time. Give it a possibility. No decisions u make have to b made right now.

Dont quit the game bcuz u think ur going to lose though.

This post has been edited by Magical_RuNE_Knight2001: Mar 20 2013, 11:57 PM

[Spirit_Master_X]

I guess this is one of those times when you won't know until you try...

I always knew she wanted to go to China and deep down, I kinda wished we could go together in the future. When we're married or have kids and that way we could all go together.

Well...if you were in her shoes, Magic, what would you do while abroad?

-Would you flirt with other guys during a night of drinking and partying?
-Would temptation prove to be too challenging?
-Would you let some guy you met walk you to your door knowing the both of you are drunk?
-Would you forget about your SO as the months go on?
-How would reverse culture shock affect you?
-How would being there for a year by yourself change you?

Side note, I don't know what I should do.

One of my friends is going to be in the same predicament as me. He is going to Colorado in the fall, and will leave his girlfriend behind because she has to finish school. He wants me to join him...but I'm not sure about that either...

[Magical_RuNE_Kni...]

Haha, well, hopefully being honest here isnt a bad thing... Lol.

-Would you flirt with other guys during a night of drinking and partying?
Tbh... Yes, i definitely would. I would mainly only flirt if they talked to me first though. Or if i knew them to some extent.
-Would temptation prove to be too challenging?
For flirting... Yes. For cheating, i dont think so.
-Would you let some guy you met walk you to your door knowing the both of you are drunk?
Im still relatively aware when im drunk, but tbh... yes, prolly to the door. Although i would do so only if i knew them. If i didnt rly know them, id most likely ask a friend to come.
Ive never let a stranger even lead me outside.
-Would you forget about your SO as the months go on?
Well, anyone can b forgetful about anything at times. I would say no though.
-How would reverse culture shock affect you?
Prolly not much, except maybe make me slightly more conservative.
-How would being there for a year by yourself change you?
I would prolly become more conscious about the meaning of life, and again, become a bit more conservative/ submissive.
I would definitely gain a appreciation for where i live and the kind of lifestyle i live though.

Sometimes its about taking decisions slow and at ur pace. Remember that u dont always have to make choices right away. Heck, it might even b about just following ur instincts-- ur very first, initial choice.
How far is Colorado from where u live? Would u have enough time to save up money before he leaves? Are u planning on staying where u live then joining up w/ these ppl later?

Perhaps u can try making a list of the positives and negatives of different choices. It rly helps a lot-- something that seems to happen naturally when u take ur time.
Going to Colorado could b a good experience and way of thinking about something else, for example. However it would also cost money, u would b away from ur girlfriend, family, and friends, and perhaps this friend isnt all that close/ u argue over certain things.

Imo... I think going to Colorado is good if u have the money, a convenient travel medium, ur quite independent, and its not far from where u live.
Other than that, i dont think its worth it. Theres a number of complexities in life atm, itd have to b w/ very close friend, and ud only b going bcuz of him. (He lives on Colorado?)

[Licentia Per Ori...]

HOLY CRAP - what are you about to do young man?

Do you WANT her to be with someone else?

you seriously need to relax for a minute here.

first up - let's break the bad news to you -

She's going to shag other people.

ok - let's focus - and let's just let the reality of that sink in for a minute shall we.

Someone else is going to put their not so squishy bits, up in her squishy bits, probably her mouth too.

shock horror - or is it?

You need to ask yourself a question.

Is this person, someone you care about, someone you want to be happy.
Or is she your pet?

If you limit her, attempt to trap her, or generally fling your own insecurity sourced BS her way.
then you can straight up kiss her fine Asian tushy bye bye.

you have 2 options.

You can enable her, support her, and when she comes back - be with her
OR
you can be the guy who slaps several layers of guilt on her, the one she feels is holding her back, then get your ass dumped over skype because she has met some bloke called Pierre - who "gets her" (who she'll only ever know for 3 months anyway). Being the honest person and how much it's a "deal breaker" for you - she gonna dump you.

soz lol tears in your pillow.

MAN UP.

And start believing in yourself.
She will come back to you.
Provided you give her a reason to.

Are you gonna be the cool boyfriend who understands that she has a passion for life and wants to explore new things, see new sights, explore the connections the world has to offer?
Let her be aware of the good things.
Let her come back, pumped and excited - having had her mind (and legs) opened to new things and new people?

MY advice -
let her be - only insist on a few ground rulez.
You understand that one of the reasons she is going to china is to expand her horizons - and that's cool, but completely and totally insist that if she's going to play with others - she PLAYS SAFE!!
She's gotta understand that when she get's back things may need to be re-ignited some - and to give you guys that chance to make it happen again when she gets back.
When she is out there - sure you are her boyfriend - but more friend really. (yes friend zone yourself - trust me). she should be honest and open with you.

also make sure when she is out there - you have shit to tell her. i.e. do something.

This can make you stronger together - or it can completely destroy everything you have

lol the choice is yours

"If you love her, let her go. If she loves you, she will come back to you"

This post has been edited by Licentia Per Oris: Mar 25 2013, 04:56 AM

[Spirit_Master_X]

Geez Licentia...you don't sugar coat it do you? lol. Well, I'm not a huge fan of the cliched stuff..."If she love you she'll come back" yata yata yata, But I have done something already and that is "friend zone myself" already. Yep, way ahead of you on that one. I have been giving her grief about the situation lately but after that, now, I told her I'm just gonna accept the fact that she is leaving and instead of giving her grief just try and have fun with her while she is still here. And who knows, maybe she'll decide to choose me over this opportunity. But who knows, she is a woman.

It's silly that while I trust her, but it is inevitable she will shag other guys...she expects me to wait for her and be faithful. Eh. I understand she wants to do all of this stuff for her career. But mostly she just wants out of the country. I can tell. My whole plan was to wait till the future when we have kids. Since they will be half this, and half asian, going to China as a family together can broaden our children to the asian side of their culture. But...whatever.

This post has been edited by Spirit_Master_X: Mar 25 2013, 05:50 AM

[Licentia Per Ori...]

I told her I'm just gonna accept the fact that she is leaving and instead of giving her grief just try and have fun with her while she is still here.

This is exactly the right thing to do.

Keep it light and breezy.

Oh the amount of girls (who i have been sleeping with) that have said to me.
"I wish my boyfriend was like you, he's always so serious all the time, everything has to always have some kind of meaning. I like the way that when I am with you it's just fun and relaxed"

Give her good memories, and who knows when she get's back she will be looking forward to jamming with you.
(it also helps if your availability to her is by no means a certainty ;-) )

As for waiting till you have kids to go travelling, Oh boy. I'd seriously calm down on that one.
you will be limited by where you can go, what you can do while you are there - not to mention that the cost pretty much doubles.
You can say goodbye to bumming around in hostels, say hello to pricey hotels.
Wanna check out the local nightlife, well you are either taking it in turns to go alone - or simply not.

Are you entirely shure she expected you to stay faithful while she was away?
I got the indication that she understood that you would play with others.

either way.
don't get to heavy about it man,
"All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds"

But I have done something already and that is "friend zone myself" already.

On a side note:
Is that friends with benefits?
Because if you focus on fun, and flirting. also give her the best secks shes had in her life.

she will DEFINITELY be shure to look you up when she gets back - trust me on that one.