On the subject of justice I did suggest a while back that at least one of them is something of a roleplayer. So you could have:
"Well I'm in it for the honor! To right what has been put wrong."
"Oh yeah, I forgot you were so..."
I see what you mean about the dialogue being too long. It would probably be a lot shorter than that, but I was trying to demonstrate how they might talk outside of the game as well as in. They're in a hurry here, so it should be quite short bits of dialogue, but there'll be the occasional section where they'll talk longer (someone is preparing something/solving a puzzle/etc) and it helps to characterise them when we get the opportunity.
is there any way where we could make it more MMO like and have the text be on screen while the player still has control?
this is a thought, just difficult to implement.
One idea I've mulled over is short lines of text that quickly move away, but where to put them is a bit of an issue. You could put a short line like "First room, we ready?" on the screen as opposed to in a standard text box.
We could even have conversation boxes which can be closed (talking to a character opens up a conversation box between those two characters, closing is another issue...) where chats would happen alongside character actions.
It would definitely foreshadow the MMO feel, but would it be too much?