QUOTE (Kaust @ Nov 17 2012, 09:23 AM)
QUOTE (Jonnie19 @ Nov 16 2012, 02:27 AM)
You actually care about this girl. So I love what your friend said and in his words exactly:
She is yours.
Really Jonnie? From what I've read so far that kinda seems the problem. I don't wanna go all feminist or rant about power struggles in relationships but there have been so many examples so far where S_M_X seems unhappy about her simply being herself around the other guy (dont know them but whatever).
That's not it at all. If she were simply being around him, that's simple. Its her interactions with him that make him uncomfortable/upset.
A lot of the miscommunication seems to be around S_M_X wanting the girl to act differently, to act more like 'she's his', when naturally she wouldn't feel that way, if anything she would more likely consider S_M_X to be hers. There's more to that sentence than just switching the parties around so dwell on it.
Here's the thing. When in a relationship with someone, generally you'll(or I will, don't know you on a personal level) say "That's my
girlfriend" and things of that nature. The relationship is the possessive, not the person. The "She is your's" comment isn't saying "That's your property bro" its saying "She is yours to be in a relationship with
." That's the key here.
Now about your concerns about her cheating on you, or anything along those lines, its unpleasant to hear but its out of your control. Because she is her own person and because she can and will make her own decisions. That said, why cheat on you when she could simply break it off with you? Now I know firsthand thats not always the case, but I'm assuming you're both reasonable adults and so far there hasnt been a lot of ties mentioned that couldnt easily be severed (isn't that your concern after all? Well now its your biggest relief). You seem afraid nothing is holding her to you, nothing makes her yours, but wouldnt you rather she was with you out of her own choice?
According to op, she's already cheated in two prior relationships. She has a history, his fear is not entirely unwarranted. The poster earlier who gave advice on things to do to see what he really thinks and whatnot, some of it was a little over the top, but the first couple things are surely worth attempting, if not in so brazen a fashion. Make out with her in front of him, and gauge his reactions. If he's casual about it, don't worry about it. If you can get him laid/a girlfriend, then the problem will fix itself(especially the girlfriend part, since she'll likely not take too kindly to him er.... "Taking too kindly" to your girlfriend).
I'm not going to say take it all in stride and don't worry about a thing, because it would be bad advice if she DID decide to try something with your friend. What I will say is enjoy the time you have with her, let her know you care about her and just try to be in general the best thing in her life.
Or get her pregnant. Worked for me!
(Seriously don't do that last one. It was a joke.)