Relationship help, sigh Options

[Spirit_Master_X]

So me and my girlfriend has been together for about four months now, but I have an issue. She may or may not have a crush on one of my closest friends. About two months back she told me she had a crush on him before that was only temporary. But ever since out of everyone in our group of friends she talks to him the most. She mainly goes to him for advice and to vent about me. She seems to really enjoy his company. He tells her everything that is right when she vents to him. She texts him, calls him on occasion, msgs him on facebook, she even mentions her boobs to him at one point...and she didnt even tell me, i found out for myself. But the both of them swears up and down that there is nothing between them. She told me constantly that she sees him as a sister...but I don't know. Me and him been friends since elementary school, and she only gotten to know him last year. I don't know how they developed such a strong friendship out of nowhere but it worries me. I accused her plenty of times about having a crush on him and it made her cry at times and made her sad. I don't want to keep bringing up the subject, because that will eventually push her away to him. I just don't know what to do. Recently, I vowed to never let that insecurity get the best of me until she playfully pulled his hair and that kinda sparked my insecurity back up again. I know insecurity is bad in a relationship...but can you blame me??? She even msged him several times back to back to back to back on Xbox Live without using a keyboard. She literally typed in everything...who has that much patience??? I don't know...

There were times when I felt like the third wheel and I would lean against a wall and watch the two of them talk and saw that they had great chemistry. She says she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me...but I'm just scared. Couples tell each other that all the time, and you will never expect the cutest couple in the world to cheat on one another, or just openly admits they have a crush on someone else.
It's almost like...he is the second in line. Also at one moment my friend met another girl and my girlfriend seemed a tad bit jealous because she wanted to so badly see them together and wanted them to be happy and just be involved in their relationship. I'm just so tired of feeling like this so I need STRONG advice and some real truth here. Am I wrong? or is she? are we both wrong? Should I just eliminate myself from this relationship so she can be free with talking to him more??? I don't know.

This post has been edited by Spirit_Master_X: Nov 12 2012, 11:06 PM

[Stonerman]

You actually care about this girl. So I love what your friend said and in his words exactly:

She is yours.

Really Jonnie? From what I've read so far that kinda seems the problem. I don't wanna go all feminist or rant about power struggles in relationships but there have been so many examples so far where S_M_X seems unhappy about her simply being herself around the other guy (dont know them but whatever).

That's not it at all. If she were simply being around him, that's simple. Its her interactions with him that make him uncomfortable/upset.

A lot of the miscommunication seems to be around S_M_X wanting the girl to act differently, to act more like 'she's his', when naturally she wouldn't feel that way, if anything she would more likely consider S_M_X to be hers. There's more to that sentence than just switching the parties around so dwell on it.

Here's the thing. When in a relationship with someone, generally you'll(or I will, don't know you on a personal level) say "That's my girlfriend" and things of that nature. The relationship is the possessive, not the person. The "She is your's" comment isn't saying "That's your property bro" its saying "She is yours to be in a relationship with." That's the key here.

Now about your concerns about her cheating on you, or anything along those lines, its unpleasant to hear but its out of your control. Because she is her own person and because she can and will make her own decisions. That said, why cheat on you when she could simply break it off with you? Now I know firsthand thats not always the case, but I'm assuming you're both reasonable adults and so far there hasnt been a lot of ties mentioned that couldnt easily be severed (isn't that your concern after all? Well now its your biggest relief). You seem afraid nothing is holding her to you, nothing makes her yours, but wouldnt you rather she was with you out of her own choice?

According to op, she's already cheated in two prior relationships. She has a history, his fear is not entirely unwarranted. The poster earlier who gave advice on things to do to see what he really thinks and whatnot, some of it was a little over the top, but the first couple things are surely worth attempting, if not in so brazen a fashion. Make out with her in front of him, and gauge his reactions. If he's casual about it, don't worry about it. If you can get him laid/a girlfriend, then the problem will fix itself(especially the girlfriend part, since she'll likely not take too kindly to him er.... "Taking too kindly" to your girlfriend).

I'm not going to say take it all in stride and don't worry about a thing, because it would be bad advice if she DID decide to try something with your friend. What I will say is enjoy the time you have with her, let her know you care about her and just try to be in general the best thing in her life.

Or get her pregnant. Worked for me!






(Seriously don't do that last one. It was a joke.)