Relationship help, sigh Options

[Spirit_Master_X]

So me and my girlfriend has been together for about four months now, but I have an issue. She may or may not have a crush on one of my closest friends. About two months back she told me she had a crush on him before that was only temporary. But ever since out of everyone in our group of friends she talks to him the most. She mainly goes to him for advice and to vent about me. She seems to really enjoy his company. He tells her everything that is right when she vents to him. She texts him, calls him on occasion, msgs him on facebook, she even mentions her boobs to him at one point...and she didnt even tell me, i found out for myself. But the both of them swears up and down that there is nothing between them. She told me constantly that she sees him as a sister...but I don't know. Me and him been friends since elementary school, and she only gotten to know him last year. I don't know how they developed such a strong friendship out of nowhere but it worries me. I accused her plenty of times about having a crush on him and it made her cry at times and made her sad. I don't want to keep bringing up the subject, because that will eventually push her away to him. I just don't know what to do. Recently, I vowed to never let that insecurity get the best of me until she playfully pulled his hair and that kinda sparked my insecurity back up again. I know insecurity is bad in a relationship...but can you blame me??? She even msged him several times back to back to back to back on Xbox Live without using a keyboard. She literally typed in everything...who has that much patience??? I don't know...

There were times when I felt like the third wheel and I would lean against a wall and watch the two of them talk and saw that they had great chemistry. She says she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me...but I'm just scared. Couples tell each other that all the time, and you will never expect the cutest couple in the world to cheat on one another, or just openly admits they have a crush on someone else.
It's almost like...he is the second in line. Also at one moment my friend met another girl and my girlfriend seemed a tad bit jealous because she wanted to so badly see them together and wanted them to be happy and just be involved in their relationship. I'm just so tired of feeling like this so I need STRONG advice and some real truth here. Am I wrong? or is she? are we both wrong? Should I just eliminate myself from this relationship so she can be free with talking to him more??? I don't know.

This post has been edited by Spirit_Master_X: Nov 12 2012, 11:06 PM

[Sparrowsmith]

sounds very similar to a couple I've been close to IRL, and I basically became their relationship councillor, so I'll throw in my two cents.
quick note, I used past tense just now because they did split up, but on very good terms and because one of the was moving some distance away. They still act like a couple whenever they are together. It's complicated, but we'll focus on when they were a couple.

In the majority of relationships, there will be one party who is just a little more paranoid than the other. This is why trust is so important in a relationship. You have to be honest and trust that she'll be honest. Accusations don't really help at all, and I'll use my example couple to show this:
B is rather suspicious of A and thinks he might become romantically involved with other people. A knows this, but A would never do that. A goes to a party where another girl ends up naked. A decides not to tell B because B would think it was more serious than it was. B eventually finds out and has a fight with A. A fails to realize it was his secrecy, not his actions, that caused the fight, so he tries even HARDER to hide his mistakes in the future.
B tries to get back at A by going on night's out without talking to A at all, so he doesn't know what she's doing or who she's with.
A tries to fix this by going with her so he can make sure B is not with anyone else, but instead A gets annoyed because he sees other guys looking at his girlfriend.
B then complains that A isn't having any fun and clearly isn't enjoying being around her, so she talks to people she meets on the night out, which is usually the people A is being made annoyed by.
This continues to escalate.
It escalates until some bad stuff actually does happen on both sides. One of them is entirely honest about it, the other hides it up.
It escalates further.

The couple was healthy until they started doubting each other, pushing each other away, and making it impossible to be happy around one another. At the same time, if they had trusted each other's stories, they also would have been okay. Even if little things were happening, it was the secrecy and suspicion that did the damage, not the actions.

If you get more and more suspicious of your gf, then you're encouraging her to be more secretive so that you won't get mad. When you find out, you'll see this as an act of disloyalty, when really she's just tired of getting the third degree. Eventually you'll have no idea what she's really doing and then something actually could happen because she won't even be thinking about you.
It makes a lot more sense to trust your gf. If she is loyal and you push her away, you'll never forgive yourself. If she isn't loyal and you push her away, then you'll want to know why she wasn't loyal. If she isn't loyal and you don't push her away, then at the very least you can have a happy relationship before you find out. If she is loyal and you don't push her away, then you have a shot at something great.

As for the friend, you have to trust your friends.
And you have to trust your girlfriend's friends.

I have a friend who I had a very odd romantic history with, but now we are just very close friends. In fact, even though I don't see her often, I'm probably her best friend. Her boyfriend is definitely a jealous type, but he makes a really good effort to trust me, and we've actually become pretty good friends. The weird thing is, she has mussed by hair before, but it was just a friendly thing. I've never been confronted by her bf, and as far as I can tell they've never argued about me. That's trust, and they make a really good couple.

So basically, it's not what your partner is doing, it's how they feel about it, and how you respond to it, that damages a relationship.
try to trust her, trust your friend, and don't push her away.