story idea Options

[Iperks]

WAR-CRY
2300 years ago when evil still roamed earth and there were many kingdoms, some small some covering massive chunks of their region. In this world was kingdom that went by the name of Commonwealth of Shires. In this kingdom was a massive army and within that army was one of the few one of the best one of the hated the Meta’s. With only about 20 Meta’s left one of these by the name of Grimoire Griffon This meta had been recruited by the king at the age of 14 after his parents tried to kill him and he was left alone in the back allies’ of the kingdom. Grimoire Griffon went off against armies with only 20 other men and 1 other Meta. After 20 years and over 50 victories Grimoire Griffon found a secret. A secret he should have never have found. What he found was that was his precious kingdom he fought for and protected for was with the evil and for the evil. All those battles he fought were only tests and as he searched more he found out the other meta his only friend out of the entire kingdom had been killed to use for testing. He soon fled to the town of Hameshtern a small village more north to the region. Even after he escaped the king had order hundreds of men and assassin and all that he could, looking to kill him for what he knew. His village was soon burned and looted as he fled to the next region and had hidden throughout the kingdoms each time barley escaping. As time went on this as they called meta knight was soon consumed by the fear and soon found himself at an enemy camp where he found other metas used and now contained to strengthen the evil into a unknowns biological mixture of pure evil and goodness into a uncontrollable mega evil. Now Grimoire Griffon fled to the nearest kingdom training supplying finding what he could using what he could because as he knew he had to do what no else could he had to face this ravage evil and fight it off as he had in the past. So now he had set off in search for the 20 mega creatures to kill and restore the metas but he also has over time created enemy’s and has to deal with asassins and armies against him. But along this he found hidden metas and other people willing to help and soon becomes great friends with these newly found partners. But as he pushes forward his friends soon die one by one to where there are 2 left and one last mega evil. In this battle the last Meta facing the brink of death but was save but his older friends and was healed and the boss stunned and weakened to fight. Near the end the last mega evil unleashes his final blow killing him and your friend who protect you in the battle and now you are alone all over again everything is lost for you but you have saved what is left but now another evil is rising but that is a story yet to be told.

[Shaddow]

I really want to say something nice about this post. So I will. It is obvious that you have a potentially good world here, a potentially good story. Yet you seem to only have things written in the most generic of senses. There is a lot of empty and generic storyline here, like you filled out a mad-libs of generic rpg stock.

If you could give the characters any sort of motivation or reason to exist that someone could relate too, and give them some sort of name that doesn't make people automatically want to make fun of them, you'd probably have a good start. I know that most people seem to think that 'Cloud' is a cool name. It is not. Cloud is a cool character and as such people forgave his name. You really need to make memorable names that people will associate with your characters, but not something so crazy as Grimoire Griffon, and keep in mind that it is not the name, but the character themselves that is remembered.

I want to continue on, but I think ZarroTsu covered almost everything else, in a hilarious if mean fashion. I'd be glad to give you honest feedback and advice and even some suggestions on how you can improve this story and still keep what you want from it, so feel free to respond if you'd like the help.

[Iperks]

It's just a basic outline of my story idea i have much more to write about i was just showing it to see if it had any worth to it. I will be remaking it and explaining everything along with fixing any errors i have in it. I made this in about 45 min. It's just the bare bones of my story not even that really. Thanks for the criticism.

edit:Also thank you ZarroTsu and Shaddowval

This post has been edited by Iperks: Nov 4 2012, 01:58 PM