ESPER SKIES Plot Development, Questions on Quaility of Plot and Assistance Options

[oshakashama]

 Esper_Skies_Story_Ideas.txt ( 32.07K ) Number of downloads: 2
Hi, my name is Hiraku. I'm currently in development of a game called Esper Skies and I need a bit of help with the plot. I have quite a bit done but it seems a little slow and dragged out. I'm looking for assistance on how to make it seem less dragged out and more like a professional JRPG. Although, any suggestions you have (story changes, character introductions, etc.) are welcome as well. I want to warn you though that there is a LOT of detail to handle, as the story in the attached txt file is quite detailed already and important things to take hold of below have some detail. I thank all of those who help in advance.

Before I begin I'll give you a basic of the plot line (further explained in the attached txt file):
The story opens with Vihana Borealis, a young girl from the slums of Nazara, attempting to retrieve her mother's necklace from a local gang. During her assault, a childhood friends appears and helps her, but requests she helps him in return. This request drags the two into a fight on the verge of becoming a war, and as the discover the hidden cause behind the fight things become a global affair and the entire world becomes at stake.

In summary, it sounds somewhat like a typical JRPG, and it is but the game is intended to draw influence from a variety of other genres while keeping the Turn-Based JRPG feel. But this thread isn't about gameplay, so let's move onto the real subject. And here is your warming:

SPOILERS FOR AN UPCOMING GAME AHEAD

I have been working on the plot for the past month and have gotten maybe about 75% finished. There are several problems in terms of plot though:

• The story seems dragged out and many important plot points seem to be introduced later that they should be.
  
• There are large gap between playable character introductions, so much so that you don't encounter the last playable character until right before the last two dungeons in the game.
  
• The largest twist in the game, which I feel should be introduced maybe halfway through the game and make the story a global affair, does not occur until what feels like the very end of the game. While this can be acceptable, it feels like it should be done before the final dungeons.

There will be about 7 playable characters with others that will be optional, but each of these 7 characters play an important role in the story, so much that they are what the game's 7 themes draw from.

1. Vihana - Love: Throughout the game she has a developing relationship with Desolo, eventually resulting in true love. Also, she finds that the love for her friends, as well as their love for her, gives her the strength to overcome any obstacle.
   
2. Desolo - Hate: Before the game, when Desolo was a child, he hated adults for not believing him because he was young and naive. While he grew out of this hate after meeting Vihana's mother, it lingered with him and a similar hatred is brought out throughout the game and eventually leads to a life changing decision.
   
3. Sven - Family: A sheltered child when younger, Sven's family was more a profession than anything since his dad is the General of the Nazara guard. As he progresses through the game, he finds that his new friends have become his family and he looks after them as so, going so far as to consider Sakia a little sister or daughter.
   
4. Sakia - Loss: Sakia is caught in the attack on Nazara toward the beginning of the game. The attack killed her aunt and uncle, and unbeknownst to her, she would lose her family and friends later in the game. Unlike a typical child, or even adult for that matter, she does not wish to take revenge, but rather continue traveling with Vihana and the party to make sure no one else feels the pain that she has.
   
5. Lloyd - Revenge: Lloyd's whole purpose for joining the group is to exact his revenge on the Archadian Empire. But over time, especially with Sakia's revelation, he gives up on a violent revenge and resolves to make the world a better place.
   
6. Kurren - Truth: When the acts of a cult begin to threaten the world, Kurren wants the world to know, even if they don't believe him at first. He feels that being left in the dark is not something that should be done, even if the truth can hurt someone. This includes Sakia being kept in the dark about her aunt and uncle.
   
7. Kaelin - Betrayal: After seeing the actions of the rest of the party, and how his country is doing more harm than good, he quits being an Archadian soldier to join the main cast in stopping the dark threat ahead of them.

The biggest plot points that I'd like to keep are as follows:

• The opening scene is Vihana attacking the local gang to retrieve her mother's necklace. The gang stole it after raiding her house and killing her mother. Despite the anger she feels, she does not kill any of them, which is part of the reason she runs into trouble and Desolo has to step in and help her. While the gang was defeated and Vihana finds the necklace, the gang had been hiding a weapon, or a monster to be precise, and it has escaped its cage. Vihana and Desolo defeat this creature before it can even reach the streets of Nazara.
• Toward the beginning of the game, the Archadian Empire attacks Nazara and Lydia, a childhood friend of Vihana and Desolo, is kidnapped because she can naturally use magic, unlike the rest of the world which has to draw power from Espastone. This starts one of two main quests the player must go on, but must request leave of the city and Sven must prove his strength to his father before officially being allowed to leave the city.
  
• Kurren is introduced in his hometown of Apol, where the party believes him to be the great Sage of Apol even though it is never stated either way until Kurren mentions it himself. From here the party must meet with the true Sage of Apol for guidance when dealing with the cult of Erebus.
  
• Erebus, a dark cult worshiping a forgotten dark deity, is planning to use Lydia to draw the power of Mallus, an imprisoned god, so they can rule the world, but little do they know their plans would be foiled in more ways than one.
  
• The biggest twist in the game. Throughout the game, Desolo and Vihana develop a close relationship, virtually being true love. But the hatred building up inside Desolo causes him to take hold of the dark power himself, corrupting him to the point where he builds his power to a point where he can destroy the world. After he basically turns the world into ruin, he comes to his senses and realizes the only way to stop this dark power is to hold it back. He tells the party to kill him before he loses control and completely destroys everything, as his death would also mean the death of the dark god, Mallus.

[oshakashama]

Espastone
There will be a Materia-like system when it comes to abilities. I want to have something like FF6 where certain items and equipment can offer abilities to learn, or produce Espastone after a certain amount of AP or something is obtained. I was also thinking of reversing it, where you can equip an Espastone to a piece of equipment and if it is mastered the equipment will gain a passive ability based on what Espastone was mastered. I'm still working out what I'm going to do, but I would love to combine a little bit of everything.

Setting
To be honest, I agree. FF7 had a great setting. I think that FF7 and FF6 both had a more "world is already almost in ruin" feel to it, and I'm looking for a world that is very healthy and beautiful. Whether players want to or not, I'd like them to be able to travel to other parts of the world and explore it's beautiful nature. FF7 had a great world but it seemed a bit dark a dull, most likely to fit the darker feel of the story, and FF6 had a similar feel as it is a world caught in the middle of a war.

Lydia
I like that idea, and depending on how it's executed, you can find out later in the game that Lydia has either a special connection to the cult and their goals or something along that line. I could also do something along the lines of Lydia is just a bystander who was also kidnapped (for reasons still connected to the cult) and, along with other civilians, has to be saved. I'll see where i want to go after i get a little more feedback.

The Banshee
It's more of a manned, flying platform with various forms of weaponry (melee, chain guns, rockets, etc.). It'll have some joysticks/buttons for the pilot to fire with.It's hard to explain right at the moment, so I'll try and draw something to give you an idea I warn you though, I suck at drawing so if the sketch looks bad I apologize.

Kaelin and Plot Flow
True, but I still feel like Kaelin should join a bit earlier. I was hoping to have the party question him joining since not only did he betray his own country, but he also killed innocent people and destroyed villages. Even if he wanted to right his wrongs, most people would normally question him. I might introduce him a bit earlier, maybe back at Nebelhof or something, to allow this sequence to play out.

Desolo's Change
I actually wanted Desolo to become the bad guy half way through the game. Saving Lydia would start their journey, but saving/stopping Desolo would be the larger portion of it. With the way things are playing out, I might make his change toward toward the end, maybe where I left off but the game would continue for a couple more dungeons.

Karakest
I never made that connection before, but yeah I thought the City of Fun would be an interesting place to introduce the cult. It would also be a way to introduce mini games and allow players to replay scenarios similar to what they did earlier in the game (not replay the dungeons, but like Sven taking out the Empire's soldiers would become a mini game, etc.).

Thanks again for the feedback. If you have anything else you'd like to say, feel free to do so.