ImHiPotion Storys., Bottled up an ready to go. Options

[ImHiPotion]

I have a feeling I'll be writing a lot during the summer break I get.
Edit 1:
I've been working on a Valkyria Chronicles FanFic. But it's harder then it looks xD
But I guess I could give you it's name (Ohhh spoiler alert)
"Valkyria Chronicles: Dirge of the Valkyr"
Edit 2:
I just realised how unreadable "You" actually is! I'm so sorry, I really didn't realise! If you want to read it please go to: http://www.rpgrevolution.com/forums/index....showtopic=57042
I'm not sure if it is just me but if you can't read it either then let me know and I'll see if I can change it.
STORIES:
"You":

[Show/Hide] I didn't think it deserved to come 2nd

So this is the story I wrote for the forums writing competition.
Here you go:
There are 3, maybe 4 �€œyou�€™s�€� in this story.
There is the you who was laying in front of us. Dead and stiff from rigor mortis.
Then there is the you who was texting me ten billion times asking why I�€™m not in school and not replying.
Then there is the you who was reading this.
The 4th you I�€™ll get to later.
Because I need to start.
7:00 am I woke up and went to your room to wake you up.
I knocked once and twice but not a third time.
I left it and got ready for school. I finished packing my bag and lunch and knocked on your door again. No answer. I knocked once more. Then I entered. To find what was your live body only a handful of hours ago, now dead and stiff from rigor mortis.
I didn�€™t really know how to react. I wasn�€™t an expert with emotion. So I went to our parents room to ruin the day that hadn�€™t even started for them.
We were all standing in front of the dead body of my brother. It was me, mom, dad and somebody who wasn�€™t needed... Why does he thinks he is the spine of the family but really he is a thorn in our backside. How could my parents be so stupid as to make that asshole my god father. I mused in anger before realising that there was nothing I could do. So I just let him try and comfort my mother and father. Because right now it is what they needed and it is what him was offering.
I left the room to grab my bag and head off to school. My parents tried to stop me for some reason. �€œSo because my brothers future has ended you expect me to end mine?�€� I thought. But I didn�€™t say it. Instead I said �€œI think it�€™s best if I have some time alone, and let you all converse about what�€™s going to happen.�€�
I went to leave but he slithered his way over to my spot to whispered in my ear.
�€œIf theres anything you want to talk about then don�€™t hesitate to call me okay buddy?�€�
I sighed. �€œOkay.�€� Cunt.
I walked the same way I did every day. But when I reached the point with the amazing view I lingered there for a bit. I was in a moral dilemma. You see I promised you that if you died before me that I wouldn�€™t be sad and that I wouldn�€™t cry, and I made you promise the same thing, despite knowing you wasn�€™t the type of guy to make promises.The dilemma part was the tears that were building up in my eye balls but never actually spilling out.
I lingered a bit more, holding back the tears, then I continued onwards.
I walked down the familiar road that was just before my school.
There was a lady standing outside smoking a cigarette. I decided to join her.
I had half finished the cigarette when she said �€œYou shouldn�€™t be smoking that you know.�€�
�€œI�€™d love to say I don�€™t want to smoke, but due to circumstances I really think it�€™s a wise decision for me.�€� I replied.
She left and I finished the cigarette then went off to my class. There weren�€™t any empty seats near you so I just moved to the back of the class and doodled.
The lesson finished. You was waiting for me.
�€œHey Sera. I just have to go somewhere real quick.�€� I said and the rushed off to hide from you for the rest of the break.
I got back the class, you wasn�€™t looking very happy. Perhaps you had been waiting for me all break.
The teacher asked me to read out my favorite quote from the shitty old textbook that were handed out to me.
�€œSpeak when angry�€� I said
�€œand it will be the best speech you will ever regret.�€� The words had inspired me somehow.
�€œVery good.�€� The teacher said.
I sat back down in my chair and glanced out of the window into the hallway. Matt swished past, stopping for a second to check his hair in the windows reflection.
He opened the door and everyone in the class turned to look at him. And rightly so. Matt was... how best to put it. �€œPerfect.�€� He would walk around anywhere and heads would turn. All the girls in the school had a huge crush on him and all the guys envied him. Even the guys had to admit that they also had a small crush on him. He was Perfect... Perfect looking at least. You see he had this horrible attitude. I fucking hated it.
�€œSorry I�€™m late ma�€™am.�€� He said to the teacher with his smooth voice and a charming smile.
�€œT-That�€™s okay Matt.�€� She stuttered. She had a crush on him too. All teachers did.
He sat down next to me. The teacher continued the lesson.
I doodled in my note pad. A gravestone with flowers. The flowers roots twisted and turned deeper underground where the lines place themselves into the shape of a tower within which resided a maiden who was guarded by a dragon. But a hero would be coming to save her soon however there was a problem. He wasn�€™t very beautiful. In fact his face was a scribble of anger. Literally.
A note disrupted my musing.
�€œWant to go out with me�€� it read. It was from Matt. �€œNO�€� I wrote largely on the paper. This was a regular occurrence, I would have happily dated him if he wasn�€™t such a dick. I wondered how everyone would react to finding out that the most beautiful person ever liked the most unordinary person in the world.
Either way I didn�€™t like him so I declined and that was the end of that. Except it wasn�€™t because when everybody left the class he followed me out and tried to talk to me about it.
�€œWhy won�€™t you date me? You must like me.�€� He said
�€œTo be honest Matt no. I don�€™t like you. Yes you are beautiful. But you�€™re just such an arrogant prick. You should really work on your attitude and personality, it�€™s like a sack of shit.�€�
He smiled a deviant smile as if he was turned on by the fact that I said he is beautiful.
�€œSo if I work on my attitude you�€™ll love me?�€� He asked.
�€œPerhaps. Now if you�€™ll excuse me I have a dead person to go see.�€� I barged past him and out the door to find you were looking out for me. I tried to avoid your gaze but to no avail.
You was hurrying towards me yelling several profanities. I didn�€™t feel up to explaining to you why I wasn�€™t in for the first half of the day and why I avoided you during the lunch break.
�€œSorry. I had a lot to sort out.�€� I apologised.
�€œWoah! Somethings wrong. You�€™re apologising. What happened.�€� You was shocked.
�€œDon�€™t worry.�€� I said and walked off. Walked home. To where I had stood looking at your dead body. I lit up another cigarette.
�€œYou shouldn�€™t be doing that, kid.�€� An eyesore walked into the room.
�€œI�€™m not in the happiest moods right now David, so I�€™ll just continue doing this if it�€™s all the same to you.�€�
�€œIt�€™s not all the same to me, and that�€™s why I�€™m telling you to stop.�€� said an irritable voice.
�€œWell to be honest I don�€™t care what you think, so you can fuck off.�€� I said calmly.
�€œFine, I�€™m done being there for you. You�€™re a selfish kid who wraps himself in his own world so much that all he can see his own self. Are you really that far up your arse to make this all about you?�€� He whined.
�€œNo, David, I�€™m really not. I�€™m sorry for being depressed, but this morning I found my brother dead. Sorry if you expect me to be all happy and cheery. I never knew a dead relative was a good thing, but I guess it is for you since you can slide your cocky face into this family and act like you own us all. You say that I�€™m making this about me? Come on David, don�€™t you dare try to insinuate such an absurd thing. If I really wanted to make this about myself I would cry, or try your method of going around to see everyone seeking pity. You forget that we�€™re the ones who were actually close to Rey. Not you. So stop being a self centered martyr and leave this house, because we don�€™t need you.�€� I had finally cracked. I couldn�€™t stand this abomination of a person.
I argued to the man you and I had hated so much. I did if for your sake. You would�€™ve done the same for me.
David left me to my own mind.
I sat there for an hour before I left the room and thought about everything that had happened that day.
My phone vibrated. A text from you was what I needed.
�€œI�€™m outside.�€� it read.
I really didn�€™t want you to be in this grief ridden house. I went downstairs and opened the door.
�€œNows not the best time.�€� I stated and started to close the door, but you wasn�€™t the type to give up. You stuck your foot in the door.
�€œI�€™m not leaving until you tell me what�€™s up!�€� You was being so demanding.
�€œLook now just isn�€™t the best time okay!�€� I yelled. I felt bad. I didn�€™t want to hurt your feeling. Your face was scrunching up as if you would cry at any moment. I had to think on impulse.
�€œFine. I�€™ll lea-�€� I stopped your knife like words with a kiss. You wasn�€™t shocked easily but with this you was completely thrown off guard. I wasn�€™t happy toying with your feelings like this. but it�€™s all that would have stopped your talking.
�€œPlease leave now.�€� I said coldly. You wasn't very with it after a shock like that. You did as I said and left.
You must think I�€™m a bad person right? Being such an asshole to everybody. However that�€™s who I am.
I went into my room and sat there in silence thinking about all the �€œyou�€™s�€�
Needless to say it had been a stressful day, I had pushed one person I had hated away, the other person I hated had become closer. And the one that had already been close became closer. Which I didn�€™t want. Any of it.
The horrible days that followed destroyed my life forever. But those are stories for another time.
You have reached the end of this horrible tale for now.
What have you gained?
Nothing. Do you need to gain anything from a story?
It�€™s not all about you, you see?
You You You You.
You is such an ambiguous term.
It implies that I am only talking to one person. But which �€œyou�€� am I talking to? The you that is my brother who died to set this story? The you who is my friend who helped me come to terms with my sadness? The you who is my godfather who pushed me to do things just to spite him? Or is it you. The reader. But there could be two of you there. In fact. Go get your sister or your brother, your mother or your father, your niece or your nephew, heck get your cat if it can read because I want you both to read this next paragraph and just think. It will be a bunch of emotional bullshit but I just want to make you think.
Got them? Okay lets start.
You are you. And the you that you are is not the you next to you but the you that you are inside of.

First of all I would like to thank you. You were there when I needed you to support me through my rage. So I would like to say sorry to sara who was there when I needed her most.
Next I�€™ll address you. I want you to do me a favour if you can. I want you to appear before you mother and father. I want you to stretch out your arms and give them a hug. I want you to tell them that you love them. Brother.
Now I will address you. I hate you so much. I wanted to hurt you at times but I held back and let it all out in front of someone else. So I�€™ll say my goodbyes to you Sid. I hope you die.
Now I�€™ll address you. Thank you for caring about my pain and suffering. Thank you for coping with my arrogant behaviour. Thank you for hating my guts when I was a prick. So thank you reader. For reading my story has helped liberate me. Although I am a fictional character you should feel proud that you watched over my story with your eagle eyes.
And finally I would like to address the final you. The you that was just dragged from their humble place of peace and dragged into this trainwreck of words.
The thing is. When you are dead you are gone. Nobody will care about you, you won�€™t be around to care. And those who cared about you will be turning in their graves because their grandchildren which you brought to life will be sharing their stories with a friend about fond memories of a drunken grandparent, but your parents will be trying to yell �€œWe weren�€™t alcoholics, we just enjoyed a wine on a saturday afternoon!�€� But they won�€™t be able to talk because the dead are dead and the dead can�€™t talk.

But that�€™s enough of that. I�€™ll leave it there. There are other stories for other times.
But you were just sitting there. And you weren�€™t trying to stop me, but instead you just watched me fade into the ether and read these final words.

"That feeling"

[Show/Hide] We all get it

He walked half way down the hallway then came to a halt. He turned to the white switch. He prepared himself for the feeling. He was braced and ready to run. He clicked the switch off and extinguished all light from his world. He ran down to the end of the hall and made a swift turn, he felt the darkness envelop him, trying to pull him back. He jumped up the first two steps. The monsters were coming to get him. Up to the 5th step.
He felt the cold breath of the monsters.
7th step. He dropped the notepad he was holding.
No turning back now. He was already leaping away from it. 10th step. He looked back. He saw the glow of harsh green eyes, watching him, eating his fear.
He was now on the 12th step. Determined to get to the top and extinguish the darkness.
He had 6 more to go.
15th step. The cold feeling he got on his feet, almost as if the carpet was turning into ice.
He jumped to the 17th step. He felt the carpet slip a little under his feet. He almost fell. Into darkness. Into the monsters grip., they were pulling him back. He was almost able to extinguish the darkness. He felt the cold claws grasping his shoulder.
But he broke free, he regained balance and triumphed to the top stair where he flipped the switch.
The darkness faded, the monsters were gone, the warm glow of the yellow light comforted him, letting him know he was safe.

This post has been edited by ImHiPotion: Jul 9 2012, 05:13 PM

[Pharonix]

I thought this was a pretty good story
but I will point out the following.

The competition was actually supposed to be 2nd person.
Despite you using First person, I felt that it combined the use of 1st and 2nd person rather well. Even though you were talking about "I" you were also talking about "You," because of this combining of perspective, I feel that it made this story rather unique and interesting to read.

If you write more, I'd be glad to read it.

This post has been edited by Pharonix: Jun 27 2012, 05:43 PM