Creating an opening sequence, Feedback wanted. Options

[steve09424]

Hello,

Currently working on a new project and I've just threw up an opening scene that the players see once the game begins.
Any feedback and criticisms welcome!

[TheBen]

Nice work there. Your eye for presentation is startlingly good; I can tell you put a lot of work into the sequence. Uh, and stuff like that.
In other words, damn good.

However, and I am going to be a serious nutcase about this, there are a lot of virtually imperceptible Grammar-Nazi-level errors.
You shouldn't take too much offense by them, because I'm probably one of the few people on the planet (X-M-O is the other one, seeing as she teaches English) who would pick up on them.

-In the first paragraph, the second sentence does not have a predicate. You could link it to the first sentence if you wanted to.
-Uh... I don't know if "remediless" is a word or not. "a sickness without remedy" sounds more in character.
-"the tyranny"? Eh... "his tyrrany?" What tyrrany is he causing here, exactly?
-Ellipses between "deep within the corners of the world..." and "... So that, should he return" would avoid the predicate-less second sentence.
-The ones Mr. Gilgamesh pointed out.

I hate to rewrite every single fricken' line of dialog like that... what am I saying? I love rewriting every single line of dialog. But more on point, my suggestions for word replacements are not final and you can use something else (or keep it) if you so desire. Don't want to force you; you know more about your project than I do.

There are also some problems with seeing the white text on the snow-covered background for Fort Grotkne, and a few re-used sprites (intentional or otherwise?) between the two Jerum maps. The Mode 7 is cool, but the world map actually begins to look monotonous after awhile. If you have another portion of the map with a somewhat different color scheme that you'd like to show off, then use that for the second Mode 7 scroll-through instead.

*pants* So good work, overall. Good luck to you, man!