Hey guys. I'm in the midst of making my own comic and I'm currently writing the script for it. I'm really interested in knowing what you guys think so far. I'd also like to know what you guys think about the pacing; I.E does it start off too slow? Also what else could I add/subtract to make it better.
Jack is at his favorite bar having a few drinks and chatting with his best friend/bartender, Norm. Norm was just talking about how Jack always leaves with a sexy girl and yet still when a frown when this girl comes up to Jack and begins conversation with him. The woman introduces herself as Stefani. They talk for a little while then leave and go back to her place. As soon as they get back to her place they are all over each other and eventually make it to the bed before having sex. After they are finished the woman goes to sleep and Jack gets dressed then leaves.
Jack is walking with his head down lost in thought when all of a sudden he bumps into another man. He looks up to tell the stranger off; only to realize that the stranger looked exactly like him. The man smirks and with his own voice the man says "Hi, Jack". Jack freaks out and frantically runs away. He runs and runs without any care of where he's going; just far away from what he just saw. He ducks into an alley and lights a cigarette to collect his thoughts. He closes his eyes and tries to convince himself that he was just drunk. He opens them again to see that its dawn and he can find his way home.
He wakes up the next morning to the sound of his alarm clock. Soon after there's a knock at the front door; it's his landlord. His landlord is complaining about rent and Jack convinces him that he'll have all of the money by the end of the month, plus 3 month’s rent in advance. After his encounter with his landlord Jack decides he's going to try and write something today. He lights a cigarette, opens up word-pad on his computer, and stares at the blank page. Nothing. Just then, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. His daughter has suddenly fallen into a coma and is now at the hospital. Great.
Jack rushes down to the hospital and finds his wife sleeping on a couch by her side. His ex-wife wakes up to the sound of Jack rushes in the room. Jack goes over to his daughter’s side with tears rolling down his face telling her that everything is going to be ok. Jack begins to remember all the years they spent together and begins to cry. Afterwards, Jack goes over to Michelle and asks her what happened. She tells him that Sarah was doing her daily chores in the kitchen and collapsed out of nowhere. Jack thinks that there is more to the story and tells Michelle that it was all her fault. Michelle slaps Jack in the face and kicks him out of the hospital.
Jack goes into the bar depressed and orders a drink. Jack and Norm then have a short conversation before a creature breaks through the window and kills a couple closest to it. Shocked and afraid Norm grabs his gun hidden under the counter and turns to tell Jack to get behind him. When Norm turns back around, he is staring face-to-face with the deadly creature. The creature devours Norms face with its razor sharp tongue and Norm falls dead. The creature then looks at Jack and pounces on him. Jack grabs the gun that Norm dropped and shoots it in the face.
Jack goes to the front door and opens it to find that the streets are filled with these disgusting creatures. Jack is terrified at the amount of creatures that surround him. He decides that he'd rather kill himself then to be eaten alive by a creature so he puts his gun to his head. Just then shots ring out into the air. A group of people, 2 men and 1 girl, armed to the tee show up and begin killing the creatures. They yell at Jack to get behind them. Shortly after they decide it'd be better to retreat.
The team runs through the streets as they try and get them off their tail. Shortly after they finally lose the group of creatures and they begin walking to "The Spot". Once they arrive Jack is surprised to see that it's just an average garage called "The Spot". Brandon then walks to the doors and inputs a code to open them. Jack is surprised again to find that the inside looks like a place that would be home to a military unit. There are bedrooms, a place to eat, and an ammunition room.
Shortly after entering The Spot, Jack begins to feel the effects of being attacked by the creature earlier. His adrenaline wears off and he passes out from blood loss. He awakens in a room hoping that everything he just experienced was a dream, but soon realizes it was real when he tries to get up and feels the pain from his wound. Jack gets up from the bed and walks to the door. He can hear Maggie, Brandon, and Mick talking about someone. When Jack walks into the room they stop talking.
After a small conversation and a few questions answered Jack decides that it’s time for him to go look for his daughter. The team tries to change his mind but he tells them that he can’t just sit around not knowing if she’s alright or not. The team gives in and decides to accompany him. They resupply and leave with the hospital his daughter was at as their destination.
During their journey to the hospital the team encounters and kills many creatures. They finally arrive at the hospital and the lights are still on as though the place is still up and running fine. When they get inside it’s all torn apart and filled with more creatures so they fight their way to where Sarah’s room is. When they finally get into Sarah’s room Jack’s doppelganger is there holding Sarah’s limp body.
Jack yells at the man to release his daughter but the man tells Jack that his daughter is no longer his; that he lost her in his excessive drinking and self-pity. The man also tells Jack that he’ll never see his wife again either. The man then disappears. Jack screams out but it’s too late, the man is gone. Jack is furious and punches a hole in the wall, injuring his hand. The team asks Jack where they should go next and he tells them the last time he saw her was at the hospital. He decides that they should try her house.
On the way to Jack’s wife’s house they are being chased by creatures and, with little to no ammo left, decide to hide out in a near-by liquor store. They are trapped by creatures and don’t know how to get out of the situation. Jack is confused and doesn’t know what to do. He sits and wonders how things in his life got so fucked up. Jack picks up one of the bottles of whiskey and looks at it and thinks about how much his drinking has ruined his life and his relationship with his family. He throws the bottle to the ground and vows to never drink again as it splashes on the ground.
Determined to find his family more than ever now, Jack runs to the back of the liquor store and searches for the rear exit. He finds it and yells to the group to follow him. They rush out of the back and make their way through the backstreets of the city. As they get closer to his wife’s apartment, Jack is hit with many memories of his past. He sees himself having an affair with his old editor; he sees himself having an argument with his wife over the dishes as his daughter cries; he even sees an incident where he raised his hand to his wife.
When they finally get to the house they are surprised to see that the house is a wreck. The windows are broken, the door is off the hinges, and it’s surrounded by creatures. They use the last of their ammo trying to fight through the hordes of creatures but there are too many of them.
That's all I have at the moment. I realize that it's kind of long ( 2 pages on microsoft word), so I thank anyone for taking the time to read this and leaving comments.
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