RM Skill: Undisclosed
DISCLAIMER: This game is a PARODY. It's intended to be incredibly foul-mouthed, horrendously crude, and a loving send-up of every great, traditional JRPG (especially the Final Fantasy series). For those willing to expound upon the blatant RPG stereotypes that appear throughout the game at certain points - they are intentional. We wanted to just take the piss out of RPGs and the many blatant stereotypes within them, whilst also making something humourous and fun to play! So... yes. Expect swearing, drugs, sex, violence, and seriously mature content, and please don't take it too seriously!
T.A.N.K Productions presents...
The Ark - Naztica Kazaiaatus
RTP not included (v 1.4): http://www.mediafire.com/?2gsfy26nb5r2g5d RTP included (v 1.4): http://www.mediafire.com/?y7vrcxadynz2bax
Welcome to the post-medieval world of The Ark - Naztica Kazaiaatus, an irreverent and bizarre land where nothing should be taken seriously.
When the peaceful village of Startopia, the home of Aiken Irvine, Evandir Apocraphyn and Karl Karlsson, is randomly burnt to the ground by a demented clown named Mezzerach, the three friends bury their dead and embark on a voyage of vengeance, swearing to find and destroy the clown at any cost. As they travel across the sea, following Mezzerach's trail, they discover that all is not as it seems; there are other, darker figures who wish to see the three foiled, and boast even more power than Aiken, Evandir and Karl themselves.
Throughout their journey, our three heroes encounter a cast of larger-than-life characters: Captain Awesome, a pirate captain who takes them across the ocean on his ship, the Good Ship Access; Angsaar, the Demon King of A'zura Kai, who recruits the heroes to kill the corrupt and self-serving king of Hyperborea; and Dick, a drunkard/inventor who drinks as much as other people breathe.
Be prepared for twists, turns, comedy and epic fantasy, all mixed up into one truly "unique" videogame!
The World "Never on land or by sea will you find the marvelous road to the feast of the Hyperborea."
"Hyperborea is the name of our world, the world of all mortals. In the distant past, it is said that Hyperborea was created and cared for by the Gods. From their home in Elysium, the Gods looked over our world, and in their infinite wisdom kept us safe from outside influences that would damage our peaceful lives. However, ten years ago, things began to go wrong in Hyperborea. Once strong kingdoms have begun to fall apart, and the number of monsters in the world has begun to multiply dramatically. Some scholars believe that the Gods are testing us, trying to force us to exist on our own merits and with our own strength and courage. Other scholars believe that God, the Almighty, engineered a coup d'etat in Elysium, bringing about the deposition of the other Gods." ~Unknown Author
Hyperborea is a geographically-diverse realm, one of many disparate realms floating in the cosmic... stuff... of the Infinite. Nominally, the Hyperborean kingdom, headed by an all-powerful monarch, rules over the world; but in practice, power is held by the corporate entity that is Darkthrone Enterprises, a multinational conglomerate with influence in almost every different field. Multimedia, finance, science, raw materials; Darkthrone holds a monopoly on all of them, which allows the company to exercise a de facto dominion over Hyperborea. The dominance of Darkthrone has caused a disproportionate acceleration in technological development; Hyperborea can be classed as a post-medieval society (it looks like fantasy, but THEY HAVE COMPUTERS), with thoroughly modern technology in some areas contrasting with bucolic simplicity in others.
Settlements are dotted across Hyperborea's four continents, some large (in the case of A'zura Kai, the fortress of Frosthold and the Hyperborean capital) and some small (in the case of the villages of Skogrborg, Startopia and Nwotnikufesin). Trade between these settlements is limited, but growth is sustained by an influx of goods and supplies from Darkthrone's citadel.
The citizens of Hyperborea are, perhaps due to the thin-ness of reality in their realm, rather unusual. There is a First Hyperborean Church, its headquarters located at Jeneora Rock, but the majority of the realm's population are quite relaxed about religion, choosing instead to live life pragmatically. This is somewhat ill-advised, considering that there is palpable evidence of Elder Gods throughout the world.
In short: Hyperborea is a fucked-up place, full of fucked-up people. Have fun uncovering all their perversions and eccentricities!
Feature List: -An 11+ hour, epic adventure with a slew of bonus dungeons, secret areas and quests galore! -An epic story full of twists and turns that pits your band of misfits against pirates, demons and even greater evil forces! -A plot twist that we can guarantee you won't see coming. Seriously. That's a guarantee. You get your money back if you guess what it is. -Sideview, turn-based battle system using the Tankentai SBS and ATB scripts; -1 hour + of original music in a (mostly) baroque, orchestral style created by Chris Mole of Northern Oak; no stock RTP melodies here! -A funny, if somewhat irreverent (and foulmouthed) script. -Custom skill animations courtesy of GotMilk -A host of custom graphics and character sets that create a unique, and yet startlingly generic, fantasy world!
Aiken Irvine Age: 21 Origin: Startopia Height: 6'0" Weight: 160 Aiken Irvine was born in Startopia under the gaze of an eclipse, which you'd think would imply something ominous but in reality just means that he's wary of the dark. Aiken is the unspoken leader of the group, due to being the most down-to-earth of the three- however, he is easily distracted by Evandir, and the two have a tendency to trade terrible innuendos to the annoyance of everyone around them. Oh, and he lost his right eye in a tragic hunting accident at the age of 8. The deer had a switchblade.
Evandir Apocraphyn Age: 20 Origin: Unknown Height: 6'2" Weight: 170 Born deep in a broiling maelstrom of chaos, Evandir is somewhat of an enigma. He likes fist blades and killing people, and yet is inherently good- well, nowhere near as bad as the bad guys in this RPG. When it comes down to it, Evandir could be a demon of unspeakable, unquenchable power- but that would require concentrated effort, and he just can't be bothered. Evandir wanders through life happily doing what he's told by Karlsson and Aiken; the three have an unspoken agreement that while he'll do what they tell him, they won't ask him to do anything. It actually works pretty well. He also likes polar bears.
Karl Karlsson Age: 20 Origin: Startopia Height: 6'1" Weight: 180 Karl was also born in Startopia. Not during an eclipse. He hits things with sticks, and also casts magic. Other than that, he smokes like a chimney and sometimes lets out harsh, mournful shrieking sounds. Despite his outwardly relaxed appearance, Karl is an incredibly powerful mage and spent much of his childhood reading every book he could get his hands on. As such, he's the group's 'scholar'- Karl seems to know about pretty much every obstacle that the group encounter. Which is... convenient.
Lol Anelf Age: 18 Origin: Sexy Elvesville Height: 5'4" Weight: 140 Lol is a young, sassy elf who knows what she wants from life... not to get hit on by both Aiken and Evandir. Small, nimble and just about legal, she likes bows, stealing and incredibly hardcore sex with humans, elves, trees, whatever happens to be nearby. Lol has a slight identity crisis due to being an elf abandoned in a world where no other elves live- she overcompensates for this by being quiet and hiding at the back of the group. This saved us from having to write much dialogue for her. Thank god.
Callous Gigastar the Third Age: Over 9000 Origin: Unknown Height: 6'4" Weight: 320 Callous is a robot. Yeah. Post-medieval, remember? He's quite calm and emotionless, and is constantly trying to learn human characteristics from the other members of the party. Since he wasn't programmed with a library of human interactions, and then spent a long time sitting inside the bowels of a mountain, Callous has no idea how to interact with people, and constantly needs to have things such as flirting explained to him. He's also quite touchy about his lack of a father figure. By 'touchy', we mean... well. Explosively touchy.
Dominatus Age: Unknown Origin: Nowhere Height: 6'7" Weight: 260 Dominatus is an animated suit of armour. He was bribed into Mezzerach's service with promises of tasty, tasty cookies... but failed to realise that he couldn't actually eat them due to having no internal organs. Or a tongue with which to taste the cookies. And even if he somehow managed to get them into the armour's mouthpiece, they'd just crumble and he'd get crumbs everywhere. Have you ever had crumbs rattling around inside your suit of armour? It's not pleasant, trust me. He's quite emotionless... perhaps due to not being human.
Bip Bip is Karl's love interest; soft, tender and giving, Bip is the one true bright spot in Karl's otherwise dark world. Bip also has a fetish for vegetarian food and woolen coats, and loves the colour white.
The Villains Mezzerach (the Menstrual) Age: Unknown Origin: Unknown Height: Unknown Weight: Are you sensing a theme here? Mezzerach began life as just a regular clown. One day, whilst in the middle of a simple pie-to-the-face routine, Mezzerach suddenly snapped, killing two of his fellow clowns; one with a knife, the other by ramming the pie forcibly down his throat. Since that day, Mezzerach's grip on reality has been devastatingly feeble. After a devastating interview process, the clown was chosen as the spokesperson for Darkthrone Industries by a board of directors eager to reconnect with the company's comedy roots. Since that day, Mezzerach has carried out a rein of terror over the people of Hyperborea; insane and gibbering, the mad clown is feared by all. Also, this clown has breasts. But are they fake?
Executioner His features concealed by dark, titanium armour, Executioner is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Nobody has seen his face, nor heard his true voice, and his true motivations are as hidden as his appearance. For the moment, he falls in with Carknagar and Manji, but it is unknown whether his path will diverge in the future.
Manji Brash, loud and arrogant, Manji is as confident throwing terrible, weaksauce taunts at his foes as he is slicing and dicing them with his terrifyingly swift sword skills. The most light-hearted of Mezzerach's evil trio, he rarely gets angry- but behind his relaxed facade lurks the soul of a merciless killer. A merciless killer with a powerful appetite.
Carknagar Carknagar is the self-elected leader of Mezzerach's evil trio and the demented clown's second-in-command; but like any second-in-command, he has his own nefarious plans. Cold, calculating and almost immeasurably evil, Carknagar seems older than his features would suggest, with a past shrouded in mystery.
Early morning in Startopia.
Part of the Hyperborean Overworld.
The obligatory RPG feast sequence!
The Golden Roofs of Sekhmet.
The Zen Garden of Pinchon Fortress.
Pinchon, Land of the Setting Sun.
The snowy village of Nwotnikufesin.
The Kaku Tree.
Bob. The developer.
Bob. The developer. After having had a rather unfortunate "accident".
The battle screen.
The airship, Denied.
Scripts Used: KGC Lag Reduction (translated by Mr. Anonymous)
Cogwheel-style Menu Bars (by Syvkal)
Actor Profile Information (by Claimh; trans. Mr. Anonymous)
Sideview Battle System Version 3.3a and ATB Battle Version 1.1c (by Enu (http://rpgex.sakura.ne.jp/home/); trans. Kylock and further trans. Mr. Anonymous, Mr. Bubble and Shu)
Dual/Double/Triple Attack Fixes, Fade Battle End ME, Epic Battles, Stationary Enemies and Gun Addon scripts (by Kylock)
Party Manager System (by Prexus)
Neo Message System 3.0 Beta (by Woratana)
Light Effects VX (by Kylock)
Limit Break VX (by DerVVulfman)
Fogs VX (by Hevendor)
Map Name Pop-Up (by Dargor)
KGC Cursor Animation (translated by Mr. Anonymous)
KGC Item Categorization (translated by Mr. Anonymous)
KGC Extended Equip Screen (translated by Mr. Anonymous)
KGC Steal System (translated by Mr. Anonymous; edits by TouchFuzzy)