Plot Outline of New Game, Would you be interested? Or is it too similar to other things? Options

[Mufalmar]

Hi. Last time I was on these forums I was in the middle of designing a game that I was very VERY devoted to, but unfortunately, my computer ended up breaking down. I ended up turning that game into a book that I began writing during study halls at school, and it ended up being a quick 136 page story. Since then, I've been slowly evolving the plot line of this game I always wanted to make. Finally, I ended up buying a new computer and can begin work.

Last time I worked on RPG Maker VX I was not the best at it, I often got lazy and just wanted to finish the story. But this time I want to work very hard on it. After two days I finally finished the introduction of the game, but I feel like i'm wasting my time if nobody finds the plot interesting enough to play. The last game I made, Dei Stara, was a game based on elements. While the story was interesting to a lot of people who actually read the plot, a lot of people saw the element thing and just looked away thinking it was another cliche thing like Avatar.

Enough talking, let's begin. (PS. Will not be using pictures or anything for this.)

Plot

NOTE : This is not complete. Ideas will be noted, and credited in the final project / credits if used.
NOTE 2 : Character names and Location names are subject to change.


The world is Aegista. Within this world are 4 different continents, Vaneka, Metyal, Gertaswa, and Tepora. However, this story only focuses on one of those continents, Tepora. Each continent is ruled by one main City, where the counsel of Kings resides. Each city in the continent is maintained by a Prince, not a King. And the Kings rule in Divinity. These Kings make all the rules, decide EVERYTHING.

Each city resides before a castle, where the Prince lives. Each city also has its own army, of course. Princes are chosen by blood. Only descendents of the Kings in the counsel are allowed to become Prince of a city.

The continent of Tepora is well known for being the strongest continent on the planet, because of their "mystical" abilities. The natural environment of Tepora gives off tampered oxygen. Breathing in this oxygen gives a person the ability to use magic. However, only those members of the army, Princes, and the Kings of the counsel are allowed to train their powers. If any normal citizen is found training these powers, they are immediately to be killed. By anybody. This is a law, anybody can kill somebody practicing magic if they are not permitted to be using it.

There was, of course, one particular soldier who began to realize how corrupt the counsel really was, and could not take it anymore. He hated it. He was a General of the Army in a city called Parla. As a General, he received extensive training in the use of this magic. He decided to flee the army, with a very large group of soldiers, and create his own rebellious group. It started off small, but quickly grew with support. The leader's name is Cien. He brings his group, P.A.C. (People Against Corruption), across the continent. He enters cities, recruits soldiers, and overthrows the Castles. P.A.C.'s main goal is to become powerful enough to enter the city where the counsel of Kings resides, Aryas, and overthrow the counsel. Cien's plot is to, along with his Co-Leaders, take control of the Continent and rule it in the way he envisions, a Democracy.

However, Cien soon gains so much power that he loses his mind. He soon decides not to waste his time when raiding cities. He goes in, slaughters as many villagers as he has to in order to reach the castle, and kills anyone who disagrees with him. The Prince must always die, he says. Anyone in the King's bloodlines must die.

Within the City of Augos, lives a family. A father named Retlev, and two sons, Saru and Kain. The mother died giving birth to Kain. Retlev has no idea, however, that she had cheated on him with one of the Kings in the counsel. Kain has the blood of the Kings in him, and because of this, he shows amazing potential as a magic user. Cien knows all about this, and makes his way for Augos. He and his henchmen invade the city and burn it to a crisp. Cien finds Retlev's house, and enters it. He kills Retlev and kidnaps Kain, leaving Saru alone.

20 years later, Saru is a general of the rebuilt Augos's army. P.A.C. has not attacked again since the day Kain was taken. Saru, being a General, has as much training in magic usage as Cien did when he left his army. Saru strongly supports the counsel of Kings, and has no idea about what happened to Kain. He has heard stories of P.A.C., but is unaware that these past 20 years, Cien has been training Kain and the rest of the army to be an unstoppable force. It is during one of Saru's missions to secure an unknown dungeon that he finds P.A.C. is becoming active again, ready to make its final assault and overthrow the counsel. He finds Cien and Kain fighting a very large dragon in this dungeon. Kain immediately knows who Saru is, and Saru immediately knows that this is Kain. Unfortunately, Cien has brainwashed Kain into becoming a ruthless killing machine like himself. But Saru is his brother, and Kain refuses to harm him. He and Cien wipe out the group of soldiers Saru has with him.

Cien decides that if Kain isn't going to do anything to stop Saru, he will. Cien attacks Saru. Kain dislikes this and orders Cien to stop, who then becomes enraged. Cien knows that Kain could destroy him, so he listens. Saru refuses to join the cause, and Kain allows him to leave.

Saru begins a journey to the counsel, where he will inform them of P.A.C.'s plans. The Kings give Saru a mission. They tell him to scout out 3 Elders who will teach him magic to become as strong as a King of the counsel. He is then to seek out as many hideouts of P.A.C. as possible and destroy them. He is then to return to Aryas and help the Kings fight of what remains of P.A.C., which little do they know, consists of the two most powerful fighters on the entire planet. Kain and Cien.

You play as Saru, to defend the counsel. However, are you playing for the good side or the bad side? That's all based on your opinion.

[Kaust]

Any story that comes with the 'good/bad' option should come with differing stories.
There's nothing more frustrating when you play these kinds of games than that your supposed 'freedom' in these kinds of games is actually just a lie.

I'd recommend establishing certain plot points (areas where decisions define outcomes) and then different outcomes for each plot point, making many, many different ways the story can pan out.
Since this can be pretty intimidating then at least a seperate plan for 'good' and for 'bad'.

Personally I grew a little confused between characters relations to one another (probably nothing to worry about,the sorta thing that'll make sense when playing) but again having a concrete background implies a character is already either 'good' or 'bad', the decision is not left to the player.

[Mufalmar]

Any story that comes with the 'good/bad' option should come with differing stories.
There's nothing more frustrating when you play these kinds of games than that your supposed 'freedom' in these kinds of games is actually just a lie.

I'd recommend establishing certain plot points (areas where decisions define outcomes) and then different outcomes for each plot point, making many, many different ways the story can pan out.
Since this can be pretty intimidating then at least a seperate plan for 'good' and for 'bad'.

The point of it wasn't really to give you options of which you wanted to play, it was just to give you that feeling like you're playing the bad guy if you see it that way. You are playing Saru, and you are defending the counsel, that's the way it is. However, it is up to YOU as the player to decide whether you're fighting for good or bad, depending on your views of politics. Idk if that makes sense, lol.

Though I suppose if I get enough feedback that people are at least interested in the plot that I could add that in there, the option to choose who to fight for.

[Kaust]

I edited my original post with regards to the plot itself (sorry I do that a lot) and only just refreshed this now.
Hopefully you can see how the plot is still relevant to the gameplay, whether it seems intrinsic or not.

[Mufalmar]

Yeah, I know. The relations aren't too complicated. Cien is related to nobody important. Kain is related to one of the Kings on the counsel, which one is unimportant. Saru is Kain's brother, but not by blood. Retlev is Saru's real father, not Kain's.

What I mean is not that you decide if Saru is good or bad, it's whether or not what he's fighting for is. Saru's motives are good, to defend the counsel and maintain the current state of the continent. But a lot of people view the Divine Rule by the counsel as wrong. P.A.C. is fighting for change, a Democracy. It doesn't really have an impact on the plot, it's just something to think about while you play.

[Kaust]

You play as Saru, to defend the counsel. However, are you playing for the good side or the bad side? That's all based on your opinion.

It doesn't really have an impact on the plot, it's just something to think about while you play.

Now that I better understand, this seems like the sort of thing that occurs with everything that has two sides (...which is everything). Every aspect of the plot will always be considered either as something the player agrees with or disagrees with and popular ideologies are often what define a game. In some cases players will only play games where they know beforehand that the plot agrees with their ideologies.

Although you may or may not have intended it, that last 'marketing' line of the first post sort of suggests that not only is there some control over the story (established that there isn't) but that there is a correct or wrong way to play (with the exception of anti-heroics; we know, for example, that killing people in Fable won't gain anything more than playing 'properly')

With regards to the plot, its a nice idea this fight for democracy (might seem a little 'pat on the back'; its a reason I don't read certain comic books despite liking the heroes is for the creator's love of their real-life country) but doesn't really fit the settings. Of course, these things have to occur at some point and its probably better, plot-wise, than simply accepting the conventions of when your story occurs.
Still, these movements didn't occur one after the other, there are reasons it has taken hundreds of years since our own medieval period to reach this state where still the entire world does not follow a democracy. Something to consider.

[Mufalmar]

You play as Saru, to defend the counsel. However, are you playing for the good side or the bad side? That's all based on your opinion.

It doesn't really have an impact on the plot, it's just something to think about while you play.

Now that I better understand, this seems like the sort of thing that occurs with everything that has two sides (...which is everything). Every aspect of the plot will always be considered either as something the player agrees with or disagrees with and popular ideologies are often what define a game. In some cases players will only play games where they know beforehand that the plot agrees with their ideologies.

Although you may or may not have intended it, that last 'marketing' line of the first post sort of suggests that not only is there some control over the story (established that there isn't) but that there is a correct or wrong way to play (with the exception of anti-heroics; we know, for example, that killing people in Fable won't gain anything more than playing 'properly')

With regards to the plot, its a nice idea this fight for democracy (might seem a little 'pat on the back'; its a reason I don't read certain comic books despite liking the heroes is for the creator's love of their real-life country) but doesn't really fit the settings. Of course, these things have to occur at some point and its probably better, plot-wise, than simply accepting the conventions of when your story occurs.
Still, these movements didn't occur one after the other, there are reasons it has taken hundreds of years since our own medieval period to reach this state where still the entire world does not follow a democracy. Something to consider.

Yes, I do understand now that the way the story plays out, only giving a player the option to play as Saru is not a good idea. Anyone who does not support what he's fighting for wouldn't really have a reason to play. I have a partner that's going to be working on this with me, and I talked to him about it and we decided that it'd be best to allow the player to choose who they want to play as. Saru or Kain, as in, supporting the counsel or supporting the P.A.C.

As I said in the notes, a lot of this is subject to change. I'm not really certain that it's going to be a democracy, it's just a placeholder in that it's telling you that there will be two political views fighting for control.

I do appreciate the help, and i'm sorry if i'm acting kind've stubborn. It's late and i'm frustrated after a long day lol.

I just wanted to get the plot out there, to see if people would think it's interesting enough to play. Everything else is to be decided after that. If people think it's stupid then I will most likely scrap the idea all together and go back to the drawing board.

This post has been edited by Mufalmar: Mar 8 2012, 08:32 PM

[Kaust]

I do appreciate the help, and i'm sorry if i'm acting kind've stubborn. It's late and i'm frustrated after a long day lol.

I'm sorry, I get the impression I've insulted you (I understand, any 'creation' requires some personal input).
And there were aspects I liked, such as democracy during the medieval period, it'll be interesting to see if it succeeds (as an alternate reality) or is rejected but that we as players feel closer to (again, the whole anti-hero route).
I just felt the need to point out where it needed work rather than where it succeeded as it had already succeeded where it had, y'know, succeeded

[Mufalmar]

I do appreciate the help, and i'm sorry if i'm acting kind've stubborn. It's late and i'm frustrated after a long day lol.

I'm sorry, I get the impression I've insulted you (I understand, any 'creation' requires some personal input).
And there were aspects I liked, such as democracy during the medieval period, it'll be interesting to see if it succeeds (as an alternate reality) or is rejected but that we as players feel closer to (again, the whole anti-hero route).
I just felt the need to point out where it needed work rather than where it succeeded as it had already succeeded where it had, y'know, succeeded

Haha yeah, I get it. The input is much appreciated, and we will most definitely use it and try to make it more choice-driven and give the players an option on which side to fight for

[Sparrowsmith]

I only had a few problems with it as a whole.

P.A.C. (People Against Corruption)
Doesn't sound like a real resistance. Especially a medieval one. Most rebellions aren't named until afterwards, when historians look back. P.A.C just seems forced for a setting not commonly related to acronyms.

Cien soon gains so much power that he loses his mind.
Is power a necessity to going insane? Isn't there a better reason? I think complacency is the folly of power. Watching his army (or part of it) die fruitlessly in front of him, that's more likely to drive him to push his army and kill everything he encounters.

Cien knows all about this, and makes his way for Augos.
How does he know about this? Maybe it's a big plot point, but it seems kinda lazy. Hell, this is just me being me, but couldn't you kill two birds with one stone on this one? Cien is raiding villages, before he goes mad, and some unassuming kid fights off his whole army. He deduces that the kid must have the power of the king, and that the only way he could ever fight the prince would be if he had the kid, so he steals the kid. The kid is Kain of course. In the process of turning Kain into a weapon, Cien goes mad (that's what happens when two very powerful magic wielders go head-to-head every single day). Saru sees what his brother is capable of, and resolves to get that powerful so that he can get him back, but the only way to do that is to join the army.

I didn't mean to hijack your story just then, I'm just trying to point out that certain aspects seemed forced. You should be thinking of your characters, and how they would act in each situation. Looking for plot holes, that kind of thing. How can the king have a son he doesn't know about? Does he know? How does Cien know about this kid? Who doesn't Kain fight Cien off? Why does Cien suddenly want democracy? Why does he go mad?

I think you know the story you want to tell, but it's got to make sense. You know how you watch a horror film, and you're shouting "How stupid do you have to be to go into that room?! That is SO where the killer is!", well that's how a lot of people will see a game if the characters aren't acting like real people.
I don't mean to get down on you. I liked quite a bit of it (especially the magic being illegal if not permitted by the king, who is a divine figure) but there are a few problems (three other continents, not relevant to the plot? One capital per CONTINENT?!)

This has promise. It's better you hear these problems from someone now than from your entire audience later. Hell, even professional writers have editors. You've just got to look at your own work a bit more critically, can't rush these things.