Bad Habbits [some mature content], poetry Options

[JeremyBenson]

Too much coffee, too many smokes.
I used to be hooked on drugs,
but finally figured it out.

I know what it's like.
lines of coke,
and ecstasypills was my favorite drug,
but it's nothing compared to crack in the lungs.

I started at 14 making Tylenol crystal;
the night mare would end at the end of a pistol.
I remember the days when I partied with friends.
I had my fun,
but I'm glad that it ends.

now that I think,
I may have started younger than that;
I remember white out painted on smokes from a pack.

It wasn't long after I started droppin some hits,
things got funky when on acid I'd trip.
I used to like it,
and to say otherwise would be a lie,
but you gotta quit,
before you're on your knees beggin the Lord to let you survive;
Yeah that's right;
the negative side...

I remember the letter from my mom and my dad,
asking me "why";
why,
why had I chosen such a cynical path.
I wouldn't listen,
"it's a hobby to me"
I used to write about how drugs were setting me free.

setting me free!?
setting me free!?
why didn't I see how much of a cage it could actually be?

I remember d's;
dilaudids you see.
"Synthetic heroin" ,
was something to me.

come to think about it,
that was a year back,
or was it less?...

It's kinda hard to remember the facts.

did I mention I used to drink like a fish?
months on end with scraps in the cupboards,
but hey...

I had a beer in my fist.

Parties were fun,
I threw shakers galore,
5 man brawls,
police at the door.

now you see my mentality in it,
party'ns all good,
if death wasn't at the end of it's business.

don't do the deal,
the contracts bad,
fine print is tiny,
so don't even think
some of it's written like invisible ink.

"the first hit was good, that high was sick",
"I feel invincible and I'm feelin it quick"
"I wont die, I'm built like a brick",

but did you hear what happened...
to the "unsinkable ship"?

I know you like it,
you're enjoying the trip,
but what if you die;
in a moment that's quick?

what if it's not?
what if it's worse?
foaming at the moth,
and your noses blood on your shirt?

If you're offered drugs and think you could try,
remember the fact that you could possibly die.
one word sums up what I'm talking about.
it starts with 'n',
and it's spiritual value is equal to 'don't'..

Use it every time,
and it means that you wont.



Anyway, in case anyone's wondering It's going on at least half a year since I've done any drugs, and I'm not thinking about ever doing it again. I used to be right on them. Sometimes I'd quit and think it was so long, and I'd be doing them again, but in reality it was only a few months in between. It can feel like a year sometimes if you're not paying attention

I think with a lot of people they don't really realize how often they're coming back to it, and how quickly, but for me I started to notice. I would quit, and and do them again, quit, and do them again, and at some point I was like man...that last time was only 2-3 months ago? I swear I told someone it's been like a year, lol.

Drugs are no good though. I truly did love them, nothing compared to me like a good high, but slowly it can turn into more of monster than it was in the beginning. I've seen some weird things. This is probably going to be a long post, I dunno..

I've been on acid, and look in my tub, empty tub, and in the porcelain at the bottom I could see perfectly two skeletons, weird spiritual ones, lol

There was another time looked in the mirror, and I could see every scar, my eyes were blackish, like bags, and everything bad stood out, and I looked like a demon..literally.

There's far weirder things that can happen on highs though another time I was with 3-4 friends, and we were out to camp doing e. On the walk back out that night we were all seeing these vivid smoke people, and we were talking to them. Sometimes they looked like people we knew, and just randoms, and we were talking to them, and trippin, and we could see each other doing it, but not just doing it, actually seeing it done.

trust me, weird things can happen in life. Things that we don't fully understand....

If you're reading this, and thinking I'm talking up drugs, I'm not, let me get to some important points....

I'm not going to lie, and say I didn't have my fun. It's like most peoples bad habits. I think most all can agree to this...a lot of us like our bad habits sometimes. If we didn't enjoy them, we probably wouldn't do them. It's not good fulfillment though, and that's where some of the negative side of it comes in. We enjoy it, but sometimes hate it, love it, hate it, love to hate it, and sometimes hate ourselves..

all bad habits got to go, no matter what they are...

let me mention some of the bad points...

I've had experiences where I thought I was going to die. Two times on e, once on mushrooms, a few times drinking, and some times in between. Every time I thought for sure it was it, or at least that it could be.

One time at work, after a night with a 40, or something of that nature I was in the kuddy (lounge below the wheel house)
I was really hung over, and puked in a bucket. I went up towards the wheel house, and in the doorway I start feeling off, and I mean really off. I ended up on my hands and knees, and things were really weird, that's the closest to death as I ever felt..Things felt awful and woozy, and and the entire experience had death written all over it. Let me tell you I prayed. I'm a believer, I hadn't always been, but there's reasons why I am. I prayed not to die, thankfully I didn't.

Do I know for a fact it was death..nope can't say, but when it looks like that's what it is...feels like it, and basically says it to you, that's what you're going to take it as...

it was scary, and some what not. It was very 'narrow feeling'...I was scared to 'leave', but there was also a sense of peace there...but also, what I would call a misleading emptiness...there was a sense of there's nothing after this, but I don't believe that. I believe that if I had of gone then it would have been peaceful, but I'm glad that I didn't....

Anyway one of my major points is...sure it seems fun, and harmless, but it's not..if anyone is thinking about doing it, doing anything they shouldn't...don't.

take it from the people who has been there when it's fun....and been there when it's anything but.

Book

Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and learned something.

Play safe, and have fun, lol.

This post has been edited by JeremyBenson: Nov 21 2011, 11:16 PM