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[katasu]

Story so far:

As I sit on this train I wonder if my decision was right. I'm nervous yet excited as well. I've left my village yet, it's still with me. Mountains and plains fly by my window as the coal engine pulls the train forward toward my destination. After a long duration of time I arrive at my destination, Sinex. Sinex is a marvelous city with a huge population, creating a lot of oppurtunities. I've enrolled into Sinex's military, SNX division. My duties are still a mystery to me.

I step off the train onto the pavement, my first time touching such a surface. As I walk, the immense size of the city overwhelms me. Towers shoot from the ground, buildings everywhere. Streets and alleyways, the only way to traverse the city. After getting my senses back I realize how lucky I am. The enrollment building is directly to my right, only a few steps away. Ienter the building and find that a woman, middle-aged, greying hair, sits behind a huge desk, that blocks several doors. I approach the woman and am cut off when I try to speak. "Name!" the woman demands. "Drake Stalls" I reply brushing my shaggy hair back with my hand. "Hair and eye color." She demands next. "Brown and Brown" I answer simply. My hair is actually light brown and my eyes a dark golden brown but I doubt she cares. "Division joining?" She asks. "SNX Division." I answer quickly. "PLease right this way." She says pressing a button opening a section of the desk, allowing me to enter a door. Entering the door I feel my heart pounding. I Come into a room with only three people sittiing behind a desk. ON the desk sits food, beverages and computers, my first time actually seeing one. The man in the middle speaks,"Drake Stalls what training do you wish to recieve?" I respond,"I wish to become proficient in the arts of swordsmanship." "Swordsmanship it is then." finished the bald man in the middle. "Drake Stalls, Snx member 0003891, swordsman, you will live in Apt. 1233 along with Snx member 0001566, Matt Sunks." The thin faced man on the left instructed. The las man stood from the table and spoke,"Follow me." I did as he said. We walk into a room full of weapons. The man went to a shelf and pulled a blade out. It was a nice steel Katana. "This is now your's, you'll pay for it over time. The payments will come out of your checks. "Yes sir." I reply. "Here is also your Snx uniform and map. The map is of the town please reference it if you get lost. Report tomorrow at noon at the combat institut. YOu can find it on your map, now exit threw that door and your on your own time. I exited the building with my katana sheathed at my waist, my Snx uniform in a bag slung over my shoulder and my map in hand. I check for Apt 1233 and find that it's not to far away. Following the map I find my living place. I open the door and arrange myself on a comfortable couch. I take my blade and sit it on the floor along with my uniform. I lay down and find that my eyelids fall. I drift off to sleep. I wake to a pleasant aroma of freshly cooked meat and freshly made tea. I lift my body from the couch and swivle my head in the direction of the delicious smell. I found that a tall, blonde headed man was in the kitchen. I presume Matt. Finding the floor with my feet I stand, from the couch and make my way to the kitchen table. Before I could sit the man turned and spoke,"Hey I'm Matt Sunks, Snx member third class, Swordsman and your mentor." As he finished up I took my seat and replied,"Nice to meet you. Drake Stalls,Snx member,new,swordsman."
"Alright now that we've got the introductions out of the way, time to eat." Matt said placing food and drink infront of both of us. I look down at the tasty smelling piece of meat, seeming to have been cooked perfectly. Running a knife through it, I sliced pieces off and ate. My piece of meat was soon gone, along with my tea. Matt sat on the other side, only half finished. Looking up he saw that I had finished. Pushing his plate away, Matt, who I have placed at the age of 24, began,"First let me explain how the Snx works. You know from basic information that the Snx is a branch of Sinex. Sinex is the name of this city, as well as a military corporation, that only operates here." Matt laughed a bit as he said the last bit. I would too, it seemed a bit redundant. He continued,"Sinex has three branches: Snx, INe, and NSx. Each of the three have different purposes and duties. The purpose of the Snx is to contain and eliminate threats to the city. Mostly this consists of vicious animals and creatures. Uncommonly we must eliminate people and rarely do we have to destroy towns nad villages. Sometimes we are away from the city a long time, delivery of missions are carried out by hawks and are delivered in the field. Travel is constant. Any questions?" I had no questions. Everything was fine, travel is fun. "Now show me what blad you recieved." Matt requested. "It's a Katana." I said smiling. Matt smiled too as we made it to the couch where my belongings laid. PIcking up the blade, Matt unsheathed the sword and inspected it. "Well the quality is nice, for a replication." "It's a replication." I said saddened a bit. "Yes. The original sword 'Soul Slayer' was crafted by an blacksmith master, and is one of the greates swords in the world. This replication is no where near as good but is still a pretty well made blade." "So how many swords of 'Soul Slayer' quality is there?" I asked intrigued by the wonders of masterly made blades. Matt responded by reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small book. "There are 62 swords that are known as 'swords of legend'. That book list them all and gives details about each. From status to creator. You can have it." "Thanks." I said taking the book. "Can I see your blade?" I asked. "Sure." matt answered. A mintue later and Matt's sword was unsheathed and my gaze unbreakable. Amazing was all I could think. Matt spoke, "It's placed at 39 in that book. King's Kunai is its name, even though it's actually a Tan-to. The blacksmith who made it is Gen Thread, from the town Tonic. He has a higher ranked blade also. I believe it's ranked 23 and is named Plagued Hilt. Not only is the blade razor sharp it's hilt has a nasty poison that runs onto the blade causing a nasty ailment." My gaze had been broken, and fixed onto Matt, his knowledge had taken me into a new world of excitement. I now want tolearn of every sword and obtain the one ranked number 1. "Wich sword is the best?" I asked. Matt began,"Timelapse is the greatest sword ever crafted. The blacksmith who made it is unknown and Timelapse itself has yet to be confirmed found." "How do you know its real?" I ask. "The last time Timelapse was said to exist was when it was used to create Zane's Plain. Zane's Plain is a field surrounded by mountains in the west. Once the field was level with the, now, mountains. Timelapse was used to carve out the plain. That's the legend anyways." "That's amazing." I exclaim. "yeah now go get ready for tomorrow. You'll need it for your training." I do as Matt instructs and find my bed. Not long after, I'm asleep.

I wake to find I have only an hour to get to training, no time to eat. I dressed as fast as possible and darted out the apartment, dashing back in to gather my sword and map. Racing down paved, narrow streets I check my map constantly. Right, left, another left, again right. The city was a maze. Without my map I'd be lost instead of standing infront of the training center. I smiled in relief for only a few seconds remained before noon arrived. A gong went off corresponding with the time changing to twelve. Two huge doors opened as the entrance to the training building. I entered as did others. Did they just now get here" Are they new as well, or just still need training? I asked these questions to myself as I moved down a long, arched corridor. Others trudged on beside me, some looking as though they have already been an Snx soldier for a while, while a few seemed to be fresh or new, like I am. One imparticular stood out. A short young man, with tinged silver hair and grey eyes, sutley tinted with dark purple flicks. We piled into a room and lined against the walls. In the middle of the room a table stood, two men occuying it. ONe with black hair and a scar stood and spoke,"Welcome! Today's training will include a quick lecture of basic techniques and a sparring sesson. Listening to the lecture is up to you but sparring is mandatory." Done, the man sat and the other rose. "Time to begin the lecture..."

An hour later the lecture was over and sparring was beginning. "Partner up and grab Bokkens." the black haired man said. I grabbed a wooden sword and partnered up with the young silver haired man. He looked at me and spoke, "Zack Blake, nice to meet you." His expression unchanging, I replied,"Drake Stalls." Each pair of combatanants went to seperate rooms. I and Zack, once in our own room, recieved instructions from an intercom. I don't know how the intercom works since I've never seen one, but it projected,"You may talk for five minutes with each other if you would like after that you must begin to spar. If one sustains an injury do not come out of the room, but do stop sparring. Use what you have to help your partner until the time is over. That is all." Zack sat down and spoke,"Five minutes rest before training begins. Your new so if you wanna know something ask, otherwise I"m going to sleep." The whole time Zack spoke his facial expression was unswaying. A dull, lifeless expression, with absolutly no hint of anger or bitterness. I took my opurtunity and asked,"How long have you been here? Have you done any assignments?" Zack, who's head had been hanging, looked up at me and replied,"My registeration number's 0003889, this is my third training session. I've yet to do any work but that will change after today's training." Why's that?" I inquired. "Because you need four soldiers to go on a mission. ONe needs to have a years experience, and the other three can have any amount of experience. We've got three and with you, that's four." I was about to say something when a bell chimed. Within a split-second Zack was coming at me with the sword's bane. I reached for my bokken only to fail. With a thud I hit the floor. The wind sped from my diaphram. I queezed for air while gaining ahold of my sword. I rolled to my back. My eyes focused on Zack, who was flying down toward me, this time with the edge of the sword. Swiftly my arm moved my blade infront of his. Suspened in the air for a second, Zack blinked. Crackles sounded, followed by a painful slash to the right side eof my chest. Zack immediantly tore my shirt off. Ripping it to shreds, he too and drenched it in water and placed it on my wound. Using another piece of my shirt , he tied it around my chest, placing pressure on my wound. Leaning me against a wall Zack followed suit. I sat against the wall motionless thinking as blood pumped pass my wound. IN the moment before my sword shattered there was a small subtle change in the atmosphere. As Zack blinked, it seemed as though the tips of his hair tinged a light purple, while sparking up just a bit. I cam back, out of my thoughts and recollections, to Zack starring at me. "What?" Iasked lowly, trying not to hurt my chest. "NOthing, just making sure you don't die." Zack answered his expression the same as it's been since I"ve met him. Minutes rolled by, with Zack checking on me, taking my pulse, every once in a while. The bell then sounded, releasing us from our cells. Zack stood and left. I tried to stand but managed only to get to my knees. A medical nurse then came in and helped me up. PUlling the make-shift bandages off, the young, bruenette woman accessed my wounds. Taking a needle out and threading it she stitched the wound, afterwhich she left. I staggered out of the room and as I did I passed out.



I'm thinking of doing a TBS and I was wondering how I should do it. Random battles shouldn't be there should they? So how do I get them to level up if they're stuck on a battle? Make past battle(besides bosses) replayable? I don't know I'd like some ideals as well as to know if the story is good and would make a good game. Should I use TBS or some other kind of battle system any suggestions?

This post has been edited by katasu: Jan 27 2012, 06:19 AM

[Renkai141]

Teach me your ways!. I love it alot... -story-
use alot of variables for Levels, and such. most likely like items and what not.
variables would work as a "store your stuff here" (current equiped items)[on hero, or party] u go back to the past. make up new info(whipe out the stuff entirely with stuf you want them to have). afterwards after the flashback is done. you load up all of the "stuff" that you had before.
Looks like you could use a little of Persona 3-4 style. you attack a monster and u get advantage. if u get attacked they get it.
but mostly about "you see the monster, and if they touch you. things happen" it involves alot of planning.
if you need my help on that I have a Demo for a game that I'm making, works out pretty fine if you can "re-code" what you want.
+I found the best lazy way to do it xD

-I hope ot see more.
Renkai141

Reason for edit: Removed entire quote of OP, which was unnecessary and long

[Titanhex]

Renkai141, Please do not quote something that large for no reason, it could be misconstrued as spamming or trolling. First warning. I've removed the quote. Thank you for commenting on a game though.

[katasu]

Thanks Renkai. Well for the battle I'm going for a Disgaea type of battle. I do like Persona games but if a Tatical battle system that just won't be neccessary.

[Cleril]

I only skimmed through the first paragraph, though I only had to in order to give my two cents which follows:

Perhaps start the story on the train and have the game portion start in a flashback? Perhaps the character is on the train, returning home, remembering their outfit and all that happened. That would be more dynamic than just start -> story you have right now.

It's up to you but it's always nice to make the story telling a bit more interesting through dynamics if you execute it properly.

[katasu]

I see what your talking about and that would be a nice way of doing it yet it just isn't what I have in mind. Thanks for your idea though

[Cleril]

I see what your talking about and that would be a nice way of doing it yet it just isn't what I have in mind. Thanks for your idea though

Course, it all depends on the theming you want. Perhaps think about it not for the game but for a character or even an item.

Your're welcome of course.

This post has been edited by Cleril: Feb 9 2012, 10:20 AM

[katasu]

I see what your talking about and that would be a nice way of doing it yet it just isn't what I have in mind. Thanks for your idea though

Course, it all depends on the theming you want. Perhaps think about it not for the game but for a character or even an item.

Your welcome of course.

Exactly what I was thinking of doing. I still got lots of work to do on the story and then even more to do on the game itself lol

[Renkai141]

Renkai141, Please do not quote something that large for no reason, it could be misconstrued as spamming or trolling. First warning. I've removed the quote. Thank you for commenting on a game though.

Oh Im really sorry. I din't know that, I wasn't trolling. I'm just not familiar with the system that is all.
thank you for giving me some enlightenment